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Tuesday, March 23, 2010

RE: GOSH: Fake news in Ontario wine industry? Shurely not...

Sounds like some (public service?) union in a snit

 

Michael Botner

Accounting for Taste

1108 Menu Road

West Kelowna, BC  V1Z 2J5

Canada

Phone: (250) 769-2836

Cell: (250) 862-7122

Fax: (250) 769-2865

Email: michael@michaelonwine.ca

Website: www.michaelonwine.ca

 

 

 


From: Dean Tudor, Wine Writer [mailto:dtudor@pathcom.com]
Sent: Tuesday, March 23, 2010 7:30 AM
To: blog2
Subject: GOSH: Fake news in Ontario wine industry? Shurely not...

 

 

REAL NEWS ITEM:  Fake prime-time news report of Russian tanks entering the capital causes panic in Georgia.

Do we have fake news here in Ontario? Certainly “Cellared in Canada” is fake wine. The Liberal Control of Beverages in Ontario (LCBO) is a fake Clown, er Crown, Corporation. The prices of wines in restaurants are fake prices. Some wine writing is fake: it's not hard to be a real wine writer -- you just have to have opinions about wines and find someone to pay you for those opinions. So why not fake news?  Here’s one of the latest  --

WELLINGTON and WELLAND, Ontario -- (GOSH Wine News Services)  --Winemakers in southern Ontario have burned two police cars and vandalized LCBO liquor stores during protests to demand government aid.

Vintners in Ontario's Niagara  and Prince Edward County regions have been protesting plummeting prices for their regional grapes and wines as well as rising fuel costs.

Hundreds of wine and grape growers demonstrated in both Welland and Wellington to demand government emergency measures and financial support as local wine and grape prices continue to fall. Demonstrators were tear gassed by police during clashes in both St. Catharines and Welland. Tasers were in evidence in Prince Edward County’s Wellington area.

Protesters broke windows at the courthouse in the city of Welland. In Prince Edward County near Picton, protesters wielding baseball bats chased police from their vehicles and set the cars on fire. Protesters also damaged four bank buildings here, to protest foreclosures. There are reports of other buildings being torched  throughout the North Shore of Lake Erie.

At several LCBO stores throughout southern Ontario, the winemakers sacked the wine aisles. Two police were slightly injured in the protests Monday and early Tuesday. Over the weekend, frustrated fruit winery workers firebombed several Farmers' Markets in a co-ordinated attack throughout Southern Ontario.

More from our embedded reporter as the story develops…

 

 

 

GOSH: Fake news in Ontario wine industry? Shurely not...

 

REAL NEWS ITEM:  Fake prime-time news report of Russian tanks entering the capital causes panic in Georgia.

Do we have fake news here in Ontario? Certainly "Cellared in Canada" is fake wine. The Liberal Control of Beverages in Ontario (LCBO) is a fake Clown, er Crown, Corporation. The prices of wines in restaurants are fake prices. Some wine writing is fake: it's not hard to be a real wine writer -- you just have to have opinions about wines and find someone to pay you for those opinions. So why not fake news?  Here's one of the latest  --

WELLINGTON and WELLAND, Ontario -- (GOSH Wine News Services)  --Winemakers in southern Ontario have burned two police cars and vandalized LCBO liquor stores during protests to demand government aid.

Vintners in Ontario's Niagara  and Prince Edward County regions have been protesting plummeting prices for their regional grapes and wines as well as rising fuel costs.

Hundreds of wine and grape growers demonstrated in both Welland and Wellington to demand government emergency measures and financial support as local wine and grape prices continue to fall. Demonstrators were tear gassed by police during clashes in both St. Catharines and Welland. Tasers were in evidence in Prince Edward County's Wellington area.

Protesters broke windows at the courthouse in the city of Welland. In Prince Edward County near Picton, protesters wielding baseball bats chased police from their vehicles and set the cars on fire. Protesters also damaged four bank buildings here, to protest foreclosures. There are reports of other buildings being torched  throughout the North Shore of Lake Erie.

At several LCBO stores throughout southern Ontario, the winemakers sacked the wine aisles. Two police were slightly injured in the protests Monday and early Tuesday. Over the weekend, frustrated fruit winery workers firebombed several Farmers' Markets in a co-ordinated attack throughout Southern Ontario.

More from our embedded reporter as the story develops…

 
 
 

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

GOSH: Personnel transferred from Cellared in Canada sales to VQA sales

 

REAL NEWS ITEM: Because of the new HST coming in July, both the Ontario and B.C. governments have transferred thousands of tax collectors to the Federal government payroll. While Ontario has offered an average $45,000 severance pay with no seniority, B.C. has offered seniority but no severance pay.

 

 

TRAWNA – (GOSH Wine News Services) – In a stunning series of decisions today, both the governments of Ontario (A Have-Not Province) and British Columbia (A Have Province) will announce the transfer of all their employees actively working on "Cellared in Canada" wines to the Vintners Quality Alliance (VQA).

 

Thousands of civil servants in Canada, principally at the Liberal Control of Beverages in Ontario (A Clown, er, Crown Corporation) dba LCBO, will be moved from flogging "Cellared in Canada" wines to flogging "VQA" wines. This action was taken without any consultation with the VQA nor with the LCBO; the latter is to hold its own fire sale later in the year.

 

In Ontario, these workers will enjoy a severance package of 70% of their annual wages, with a salary reduction of 30% (soon to rise to 40%) based on Cellared in Canada's Ontario wine content. The VQA is supposed to make up the rest of their wages as soon as the stretch water component of "Cellared in Canada" wines can be determined.

 

Out by the Pacific, the position of the British Columbia Liquor Control and Licensing Branch dba BC Liquor Stores has been that a salary reduction of 100% to fit the "Cellared in Canada" wines in B.C. can be augmented by a promise of wages and seniority within the VQA system.

 

Said a VQA spokesperson, "I don't know where we'll get the money to pay ANY salary for these people: do we actually need all of them to sell VQA wines?"

 

The VQA has immediately announced a change in focus and has rebranded itself as the "Vocational Qualifying Authority". One of its revised missions is to create jobs within the wine industry for its new workers. It is expected that many will become winemakers or winemakers' assistants.

 

Schools of winemaking are poised to reap a windfall of applicants. Enquiries at the UBC Wine Research Centre, the BC Wine Institute, Niagara College Teaching Winery, and the CCOVI at Brock University are way up. Even the Amateur Winemakers of Canada are being approached: HeadMan Little Fat Wino was spotted clapping his hands with glee at the thought of renewed tuition monies.

 

These radical changes allegedly have the support of the respective unions, as per their labour contracts.

 

More on this development as it happens….

 

 
 

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

CanWest's Cellared in Canada magazine, contents Winter 2010

TRAWNA – (GOSH Wine News Services) – CanWest today released the table of contents for its upcoming Winter 2010 magazine, "Cellared in Canada Food and Drink Magazine":

 

**Proper Sanitation: how to handle CIC wines BEFORE you wash your hands.

 

**Fashion: How to look lovely in Cellared in Canada screw tops == headware for social functions.

 

**Proper Sanitation: how to handle CIC wines AFTER you wash your hands.

 

**Cellared in Canada: cellared wine or debasement wine?

 

**"This Cellared in Canada Wine Not from Earth" claims space expert.

 

**Cellared in Canada: cellared or bargain basement wine?

 

**Proper Sanitation: how to handle CIC wines INSTEAD of washing your hands.

 

**Cellared in Canada Wines that whine: we rate the noise

 

We cannot wait for the Spring issue...

 

 
 

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

GOSH: Olympic Glitch Games -- Let the Fingerpointing begin!!

VANCOOOOOOVER - GOSH Wine News Services has just learned that the VANOC 2010
Olympic Games will tomorrow be officially re-christened "The Glitch Games"
by the International Olympic Committee.

Top investigative reporter Brett Grimsby had been following this story for
days now, and he files his report based on several interviews with Miffed
Mole, the collective name for our sources who are familiar with the
situation, and who spoke to him on condition of anonymity because they were
not authorized to divulge details while they were very close to the centre
of discussions and while the matter under consideration had not yet been
finalized nor announced to the public. While the decisions may or may not
have been finalized internally, and while an announcement on the matter may
or may not be imminent, possibly within the next week or two, that specific
timeline is not really known.

Leading the way with the Glitches was the spread of negativity, brooding
analysis, and national shuddering. As one journalist put it, there had been
an "unrelenting litany of strident grumbles, moans, complaints, grievances,
criticisms, accusations and whining." He likened it to a pandemic.

Headlines read "A glitch for every Gold at the Vancouver Games". Murphy's
Law had replaced the Olympic Creed.

The Glitches included warm weather, bad weather, no safety on the Olympic
slide, ticket scams, the cancellation of 40,000 standing-room tickets, a
faulty Canadian ice-cleaning machine, not enough coverage in the French
language, street vandals breaking windows, a malfunctioning spigot on the
luge track, liquor stores not closing at 7 PM to prevent
intoxication-related arrests, leprosy on the cruise ship acting as a hotel,
security breaches, the recall of RCMP security, the gaffe over the
imprisonment of the outdoor Olympic Flame, and the scandal/apology over the
"Own the Podium" program.

But funnily enough, the problem with the Own the Podium program (which
financed and trained Canadian athletes so that they could win a LOT of
medals) was that it had only one goal: win a lot of any medals, which they
then failed to do. They DID succeed in winning more GOLD medals than any
other country in Winter Olympics history. The Own the Podium program should
really have read "Own the Gold" program.then it would have made more sense
and would have been successful.

GOSH, though, has also learned that the FINGERPOINTING "blame game" begins
the day after tomorrow. Among the leading candidates is the Association for
Cellared in Canada Wines which began with a jinxed press release in June
2007, highly touting what would turn out to be a "Cellared in Canada" 100%
imported bulk wine (non-VQA) unleashed on the unsuspecting BC general public
as a fundraiser for Olympic athletes. In Ontario, it was 70% imported wine
with an element of stretch water added. There were no Olympic aspirations
here since it was not our best effort at making wine.

According to the wine media in the 2008 and 2009 blogosphere, the hurried
co-branded wine deal with VANOC was not really well-thought-out. It became a
public relations nightmare, and today it is the definitive case that is
being studied in PR schools everywhere. This was the beginning of the
"Glitches".

Cellared in Canada wines are obviously to blame for EVERYTHING that went
wrong at the Olympics -- because the labels featured finger-painted designs.
VANOC's finger-pointing begins with the finger-painted labels of the
Cellared in Canada wines.

More on this story as it unravels.


Chimo! www.deantudor.com AND http://gothicepicures.blogspot.com