GOSH: Is the stretch water component of Cellared in Canada wines set to topple the Ontario government?

TRAWNA – (GOSH Wine News Services) – With a stunning series of government revelations today, GOSH Wine News Services has learned the real reasons for the convoluted and sudden changes to the Cellared in Canada programs in Canada.

 

Our investigative wine reporter Brett Grimsby has been following this story for days now, and he files his report based on several interviews with Miffed Mole, the collective name for our sources who are familiar with the situation, and who spoke to him on condition of anonymity because they were not authorized to divulge details while they were very close to the centre of discussions and while the matter under consideration had not yet been finalized nor announced to the public. While the decisions may or may not have been finalized internally, and while an announcement on the matter may or may not be imminent, possibly within the next week or two, that specific timeline is not really known.

 

What is known is this: the real reason for the upcoming changes to the Cellared in Canada wine programs is the sudden realization by the public that stretch water is added to the mix. The scandal-plagued Liberal government of Ontario, A Have-Not Province, wants no part of Cellared in Canada wines. It has enough on its hands with the eHealth debacle, H1N1 vaccine shortages, the Driver Examiner scandal, fundraising scandals, broken promises, $25 billion budget deficits, the Harmonized Sales Tax (also known as the Harm and Screw Tax), and assorted departmental malfeasances.

 

The Ontario Council of Wines will no longer lobby for Cellared in Canada wines – it will devote all of its energies into pushing the new "Cellared in Canada Proprietor's Reserve Wine" series. When asked to comment, a spokesperson for the OCW said: "Just wait and see – we'll come roaring back onto the marketplace. It's about time that we concentrated on the Reserve Levels. We've got many irons in the fire."

 

The self-destructive Association for Cellared in Canada Wines has now decided to take an aggressive role in becoming the new lobby group for CIC wines. Too much of its energy had already been taken up with contesting the vegetable-fruit wine components of Freggie™ with the Cellared in Canada Wine Group. Freggie™ is 70% fruit juice wine, and 30% vegetable juice wine, and 100% from Ontario. In making peace with the CICW Group, a new wine has been introduced – VegFru™, 70% vegetable juice wine and 30% fruit juice wine – again, all Ontario. The CICW Group will be responsible for marketing this wine.

 

Wine panels of various sommeliers and wine writers could not really tell the difference between the two wines, although it was noted by Dean Tudor, one of the marginal wine writers from the B Team, that one of the wines (the VegFru™) had a distinct tone of the mushroom forest floor.

 

But the real benefit of both Freggie™ and VegFru™ is that neither wine has any stretch water, and thus both are scandal-free. The Liberal government will readily endorse these wines, much to the delight of the Ontario Viniculture Association, and will probably make them available for sale at Farmers Markets in 2010. The LCBO, A Crown Corporation, had, as usual, no comment.

 

The soon-to-be-redundant "Cellared in Canada" wines will now be employed in fuelling the Olympic Torch (see our report of April 17, 2009 – GOSH Wine News Services was FIRST with this story), but only AFTER the stretch water component has been removed by dehydration.

 

As the Man said, "All day I paced the burning waste without a taste of water". More on this story as it develops…

 

Chimo!  www.deantudor.com

 

 

GOSH: Rebranded "Cellared in Canada" wines in 2015, Ont. government reverses policy

 

TRAWNA – (GOSH Wine News Services) – In a stunning reversal of Liberal party policy, the Government of Ontario, A Have-Not Province, today announced new ground rules for the infamous "Cellared in Canada" wine program in this province.

 

While the current program is scheduled to end in 2014, it will be brought back again in 2015. Complete details are not yet known, but through our collective sources (aka Miffed Mole), we can confirm that the Cellared in Canada program will be re-invigorated like the Phoenix.

 

What we know is this: there will be a re-branding of the 2015 product in support of the Pan-American Games. These wines will be known as "Cellared in Pan-America", and there will be a larger, more prominent typeface/font.

 

Apparently, there will also be a "Reserve" series labelled, "Pan-American Wine Proudly Cellared in Canada".

 

Allegedly, the Government of British Columbia is on-board with this new development which they see as payback for the support that Ontario, A Have-Not Province, has given to VANOC. But they do not want a repeat of the Esprit CIC-VQA debacle of 2009.

 

Both provinces will supposedly endorse a unified Cellared in Pan-America wine blending program, with the wine in every bottle to come from British Columbia, Quebec, Nova Scotia, Ontario, the United States, and at least two Latin American countries. All of these provinces and countries, with their contributing percentages, will be listed on each and every bottle, whether glass, plastic, TetraPak or cask.

 

Said a spokesperson for the LCBO, A Crown Corporation: "We had no idea this was coming. We've already spent scores of taxpayer dollars to correct signage, to engage the locavores to buy local, to get brands into every store. What more do they want from us?"

 

Fruit Wines of Ontario is now looking at incorporating some mango and papaya fruit wine into Freggie™, its flagship Cellared in Canada fruit-vegetable wine. Because the Executive Director of Fruit Wines of Ontario has been diagnosed with lachanophobia, he is largely in favour of increasing the fruit component at the expense of the vegetable component.

 

Brett Grimsby is investigating this flagrant breach of existing legislation: questions are being asked about personal lifestyles and benefits intruding into blended Ontario wines. Some have said that there is a whiff of Ken Lay in this situation.

 

More on this story as it unfolds…

 

Chimo!  www.deantudor.com AND http://gothicepicures.blogspot.com

 

 

GOSH: Big split in Association for Cellared in Canada Wines, PETG to mobilize.

 

Big wineries split from Council; Ontario's largest vintners pull cash, clout from association, form own group --- St. Catharines Standard, Nov 19, 2009.

 

 

TRAWNA – (GOSH Wine News Services) – As predicted several times in the past few months by GOSH's top investigative wine reporter Brett Grimsby, the Association for Cellared Wines in Canada (ACWC) has split up because of its warring factions.

 

The news, while not dramatic, still had some chase value as wine writers fell all over themselves to cover the story.

 

Some wineries will become part of the existing Canadian Group for Cellared in Canada Wines (CGCICW), others will form a liaison with grape protectors. Both associations have been campaigning to attract the PETG (People for the Ethical Treatment of Grapes), and this might be the best time to do it since the two groups can now present alternative but parallel universes.

 

The PETG has been trying to affiliate with like wine groups for quite some time. They have recently succeeded in appropriating the American slogan "Free the Grapes!" for their own use in Canada, and they want to get some mileage out of it.

 

Brett Grimsby interviewed PETG to learn more details. Shirley Ujest, President, said the group started when several ethical wine people quit in disgust over the shabby treatment of grapes. "Did you known that growers actually starve the grapes? That they make them struggle for survival? Did you know that close pruning is painful? Did you know that wineries bend grapevines against their will, forcing them into awkward positions, crucifying them on stakes and wires? Did you know that grapillions, those rejects, just languish on the ground and die a dreadful death?"

 

She went on: "I'm appalled at what I found out. We want to negotiate with both associations to give grapes a better life. We want to give grapes a chance."

 

Later, Ujest went into shock when she – a life long vegan – found out that wines were fined with isinglass (from fish bladders), egg white albumen, gelatine, and casein. She said that PETG would immediately make a pitch for bentonite.

 

All three associations were weary after dealing with the wine media's incessant questions about the split, the merger and the future of grapes in Ontario, A Have-Not Province.

 

And they were wary about answering too many contextual queries. "It makes my job that much more difficult," said the head of CGCICW with a friendly tone, "if our business is played out in the press. Go home."

 

More on this story as it does indeed play out…

 

Chimo!  www.deantudor.com

 

 

GOSH: Value Added component for Cellared in Canada wines, go to the Front of the Line

 

TRAWNA – (GOSH Wine New Services) – In another stunning attempt to quell the disgruntled masses, the Government of Ontario, A Have-Not Province, has decreed a "value-added" component for the "Cellared in Canada" wine programs offered by the seven major Ontario wineries.

 

GOSH has learned that just after 5PM today, the LCBO, A Crown Corporation, will put on the shelves some new value-added Cellared in Canada TetraPaks printed with a coupon.

 

Apparently, in conjunction with TetraPak and AmEx, these TetraPaks will have a special coupon entitling the bearer to go to the "Front of the Line" in any H1N1 vaccine situation at a publicly funded clinic – so long as the purchase has been paid for by an AmEx card. To determine who goes to the actual head of the line, coupon holders will be required to play "rock-paper-scissors".

 

Said a spokesperson for the LCBO, "We expect these TetraPak wines to just fly off the shelves. They are real winners!"

 

Bottles and casks are not eligible for this program, and there is no limit to the number of Cellared in Canada TetraPaks that can be purchased, so long as each container has the coupon printed on the side.

 

The coupons are expected to use the same typeface, size and location as the current words "Cellared in Canada".

 

In return, the public clinics get to retain the 20-cent deposit fee.

 

More on the public's reaction to this new development as it happens, after 5 PM…

 

 

Chimo!  www.deantudor.com

 

 

GOSH: McGinty to change -- again -- "Cellared in Canada" wine regulations, part of PAN-AM deal

TRAWNA – (GOSH Wine News Services) – In a stunning revelation today, Grate "Flip-Flop" McGinty, leader of Ontario, A Have-Not Province, has declared a major change in impending "Cellared in Canada" wine regulations.

 

Top investigative wine reporter Brett Grimsby has been following this story for days now, and he files his report based on several interviews with Miffed Mole, the collective name for our sources who are familiar with the situation, and who spoke to him on condition of anonymity because they were not authorized to divulge details while they were very close to the centre of discussions and while the matter under consideration had not yet been finalized nor announced to the public. While the decisions may or may not have been finalized internally, and while an announcement on the matter may or may not be imminent, possibly within the next week or two, that specific timeline is not really known.

 

Says Grimsby, "There have been secret deals between the Ontario and Latin American governments (principally Argentina, Chile, Brazil and Uruguay) to extend the import of Latin American wines into Ontario in order to top up the "Cellared in Canada" wine series.

 

"GOSH Wine News Services has learned that this was the price to be paid for Latin American votes to secure the PAN-AM 2015 games for Toronto. Even the Mayor of Toronto did not know of this vote buying.

 

"Today, the McGinty regulations will promulgate a NEW series of "Cellared in Canada" wines, to be called "Cellared in Canada Reserva" wines. These wines will be produced by Ontario wineries NOT currently producing regular "Cellared in Canada" wines. In fact, the current seven wineries producing CIC product have been prohibited from producing a Reserva line. The new wineries will be determined by lottery from the scandal-plagued Ontario Lottery Corporation. GOSH has also learned that the Ontario Viniculture Association members will be eligible to produce a CIC Reserva series, so long as the wines are sourced from grapes grown in Latin America and Ontario. Fruit wines will continue to be ineligible, although some day they may be sold at Farmers Markets.

 

"The proportions will be fifty-fifty, with absolutely NO stretch water."

 

McGinty is slated to go on the record and say: "This is a win-win situation for Ontario wineries, Latin American countries, and the wine guzzling public. Still, I do feel sorry for the fruit farmers. Maybe there is something we can do when we re-apply for the Olympics, say in 2028."

 

More on this dramatic development as it happens, stand by…

 

Chimo!  www.deantudor.com

 

 

Debate in BC Legislative Assemby about Alcohol at VANOC in 2010

British Columbia 2009 Legislative Session: First Session, 39th Parliament

COMMITTEE A BLUES

This is a DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY of debate in one sitting of the Legislative Assembly of British Columbia. This transcript is subject to corrections, and will be replaced by the final, official Hansard report. Use of this transcript, other than in the legislative precinct, is not protected by parliamentary privilege, and public attribution of any of the debate as transcribed here could entail legal liability.

DEBATES OF THE LEGISLATIVE ASSEMBLY

(HANSARD)

COMMITTEE A BLUES

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 28, 2009

Afternoon Sitting


PROCEEDINGS IN THE
DOUGLAS FIR ROOM

Committee of Supply

ESTIMATES: MINISTRY OF
HOUSING AND SOCIAL DEVELOPMENT


The House in Committee of Supply (Section A); H. Bloy in the chair.

The committee met at 2:35 p.m.

S. Simpson: Regarding liquor, could the minister tell us what the status is…? The minister will recall that there was some concern about what was happening around Olympic wines and the whole issue about which wines would be forward and how that would all be dealt with in terms of labelling what was cellared here versus actual B.C. wines and their use in the Olympics. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

Could the minister give us an update as to what the status of that is, as to how wines will be used for official functions and such? [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

Hon. R. Coleman: There is no Olympic wine. There's no wine that's for the Olympics or that's been made for the Olympics. Basically, the issue was that for a long time, in generations going back, frankly, over two decades, wineries in B.C. have been allowed to import what is fermented juice, to cellar it and make it in British Columbia into the final product of wine. That was done 20 years ago plus, back in I think it was the 1980s and through the 1990s, to be able to create a cash flow basis for wines in B.C. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

At that time we didn't have the amount of grapes that were necessary to supply domestic demands, and we don't today, quite frankly. These were allowed to be brought in, put in and labelled as a product of Canada — basically, cellared in the particular jurisdiction they were in. That labelling issue is not a provincial issue; it's actually a federal issue. They're the ones to decide what will take place on the labelling of wine. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

This became an issue on the placement of some wines from Vincor within some of our liquor stores, because Vincor is the wine sponsor that has bought the rights to the Olympics. Vincor is part of a company called, I think, Constellation. Constellation is one of the three largest wine companies in the world. They are allowed to put that logo on any wine, anywhere in the world, whether it be British Columbian, Canadian or whatever the case may be. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

As we went through that issue, we met with the industry — with Peller Estates and other companies, including Vincor — across the country with regards to their labelling and how these would be placed. We are changing the placement of how the wine will be placed in the B.C. Liquor Stores. They are not labelling it with the logo that would bring in the questions with regards to it anymore for the stuff that will come in. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

All wines that will be used at all venues at the Olympics will be VQA wines produced by Vincor in British Columbia or in Canada. There will be 100 percent VQA wines, of 100 percent B.C. grapes, made in B.C. That's the wine that will be served at all the venues that they will host at the Olympics. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

S. Simpson: The minister has said there would be changes made in terms of how the wine is displayed in liquor stores and the prominence of those wines. Could the minister tell us when that's expected to occur? [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

Hon. R. Coleman: Yesterday I asked the member whether it would be liquor distribution or licensing. I understood licensing would be the discussion on liquor. Jay Chambers, who is the general manager of the liquor distribution branch…. We let him go home yesterday for that reason. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

My understanding is that once the inventory is used up, they're already doing the new signage. They've already come to an agreement of what the statement will be. I think that it's going to say something…. I should be careful. I know that it's not going to say that it's a B.C. wine. It will be moved out of the B.C. wine section. It will be a product that will have a name like "cellared in Canada" or something that's acceptable to the jurisdictions across Canada, and we will change their location in the liquor stores. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

S. Simpson: I agree with the minister that we had agreed that one of his officials would be going home. I think the minister, at that time, had said that if there were questions, I'd put them on the record, and if he wasn't able to answer them at this time because he didn't have officials, answers would be provided in writing. That's fine by me. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

[1440]

The minister said that all the wines would be VQA. The wines used at the Olympics and served at the Olympics as part of official functions would be B.C. VQA wines. Could the minister tell us, or could he get the information to us, as to how the selection of those wines will be made, since we have…. Obviously, Vincor is the sponsor for this, but there are a large number of wineries and the smaller estate wineries and that in British Columbia. Are others going to have the opportunity to have their wines available as well? [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

Hon. R. Coleman: Let's be clear. The sponsored wines, which are Vincor, have bought the sponsorship to the Olympics, so official Olympic events during the Olympics will only be serving Vincor wine that is VQA. They bought those rights. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

Now, if there's another bar, hotel, venue that's having a bit of a celebration around the Olympics that's not an officially sponsored venue, they can buy their wines from whomever they want. They're not tied to the Olympic sponsorship. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

In the case of, let's say, an event at GM Place, where there's an official function of the Olympics, it will be Vincor wine, because Vincor and Constellation have bought their rights. It's the same as we will have with regards to Molson's products at those same things because they bought the Olympic rights, and they've paid millions of dollars for those rights. We don't have a problem with that. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

Any other wine that wants to…. If there's a B.C. night of celebration, we won't be restricting, because that's not an official site, that sort of thing. Those will all be worked out. But when it comes to official Olympic events with the International Olympic Committee and VANOC, those people have bought the sponsorship. It's no different than Coca-Cola. They've bought their sponsorship, and McDonalds have a sponsorship. They have their rights to those events because they paid for the right to do that. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

S. Simpson: Having said that, I appreciate there are formal events that are held where there are limits on the suppliers to those events based on who paid at that time. The minister spoke of other opportunities or celebrations or events that will evolve around the Olympics that the government may play a role in but that won't be "official" events of the Olympics, where there would be opportunities for other B.C. producers of wines or maybe some of the craft producers of beer. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

Some of the specialty beers and things that are produced in British Columbia would have an opportunity to have their products there as B.C. products, as part of that celebration. I would think, for example, maybe some of those events at the Terminal City Club would be a good place for some of that to occur. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

Could the minister tell us: what is the expectation about how invitations will go to those other participants — not at the formal events, the "official" events, but those other events — so that there is opportunity for other producers or vintners and that who aren't part of Vincor or other craft beer makers to be part of this celebration? How will that occur? How will they get invited to participate? [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

Hon. R. Coleman: The B.C. Wine Institute is already working with the B.C. games secretariat and with Robson Square to profile B.C. wines at a number of events that they will be sponsoring through the period of time of the Olympics. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

Other than that, we don't actually tell restaurants what to buy, or whatever. That's the competitive environment of wines, and the restaurants will be able to buy from the liquor distribution whatever product they wish. Those people who are out there promoting and selling or whatever would continue their normal vein of business. We don't do that now with regards to the commercial activities in and around liquor, and we wouldn't be stepping in today and doing that either. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

S. Simpson: Maybe this is about clarification to some degree. Now, I understand the official events are hosted by VANOC. They are the host party, not the government of British Columbia directly. VANOC is the host party. At all the VANOC events it will be their sponsor groups. It will be, then, Vincor. It will be Molson's. It will be those people who VANOC has agreements with, and I understand that. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

The government of British Columbia will be hosting events itself that are complementary to that but are not necessarily under the VANOC umbrella, I'm assuming. Will this broader range of B.C. products be available at those events that are hosted by British Columbia outside the VANOC umbrella? [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

[1445]

Hon. R. Coleman: I don't have all the events for the member. I'll see if I can get you the information, but the B.C. Wine Institute, which is the organization that basically represents VQA wines in B.C., is planning on a number of receptions that they would feature B.C. wines at during the Olympics. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

As I said, at any official function with regards to the Olympics Vincor has the sponsorship, just like Molson has the beer and Coke has the rest of it. That's pretty much an international standard for Olympics. Then there are other opportunities for countries that will come in and have other relationships with regards to liquor, like Heineken House, for instance, for the Dutch and that sort of thing, because those things will take place. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

What I will do for the member is endeavour to get you an outline of what the BCWI is planning and who they're working with from the secretariat. I don't have it at my fingertips. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

S. Simpson: Thanks to the minister for offering to provide that list. Just one more question in relation to this, because I'm not sure that I fully understand. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

Is the minister saying that government of British Columbia events that are outside the VANOC umbrella and the VANOC sponsorship but events hosted by the government…. We've heard a lot of talk in the House and elsewhere about the government taking advantage of this opportunity for economic development and other opportunities here to be able to host events that will further those things, and I appreciate that. That's outside of VANOC running the Olympics. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

For those events, is the minister saying the Wine Institute is taking responsibility for deciding how wines are provided at those events? Or does the government have somebody through this ministry or some other body, maybe the secretariat, who will take responsibility for deciding which vintners or brewers are invited to bring product there — or other food and beverage products that are British Columbia that might not have sponsorship? [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

I'm just trying to determine that here. I understand that the Wine Institute is going to do their job, and I think that's great. I just want to know how that relates to what British Columbia does in terms of making sure it maximizes exposure for British Columbia companies and businesses. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

Hon. R. Coleman: My understanding is that the B.C. Wine Institute is working on special events in different venues around Vancouver with regards to promoting B.C. wines and what have you. I don't know. I know that this ministry has nothing to do with that piece. I mean, we just did the licensing piece and what have you. Who's running what and doing what where is not our responsibility, and it's not in my purview to give an answer to that question otherwise. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

We as a government, when we're hosting an official Olympic event, will have to live by the same arrangements as VANOC has with regards to the sponsorships, which would be…. But if it's something that is broader, like if it's something we do with the B.C. Wine Institute, then we will be able to do more with B.C. wines or whatever product. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

I'll get some information from the secretariat for the member with regards to that. I don't know if you've done that ministry in estimates yet. If you haven't, you might ask them. I'll find out what ministry it is too. I would think that it would be the Olympic secretariat. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

Interjection.

Hon. R. Coleman: It probably is, and I don't know if we've done her estimates. Is she done? Okay, so I'll get some information for the member. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

[1450]

S. Simpson: Thanks to the minister for that offer. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

Really, I fully understand and respect the role of sponsorship and the need to protect the interests of sponsors when they purchase those interests. I agree with that. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

But it would be great, where there are opportunities, whether government-hosted events or other events, to take advantage of those opportunities for British Columbia companies, especially with some of the wonderful vintners and craft beer people and other folks. We have to take advantage of that, if we can, without breaching those agreements, obviously, through other events. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

A couple of other questions related to liquor matters. Again, I respect that these may be questions that other officials would answer. I'd be happy to get those answers in writing, if that is the case. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

Currently in British Columbia how many public liquor stores are there, and how many private liquor stores are there? [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

Hon. R. Coleman: While we're getting that data for you, cellared wines will be displayed in a new way within our liquor stores within the next month. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

There are presently 197 government liquor stores. There are 679 licensed retail stores, which would be the private liquor stores. There are 223 rural agency stores. There are 220 on-site industry stores, which would be, I would suspect…. That would be the breweries. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

S. Simpson: Like the Granville Island brew pub. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

Hon. R. Coleman: Yeah, that sort of thing. There would be 12 independent wine stores, 34 off-site industry stores and 11 duty-free stores. The on-site industry stores I would suspect include wineries, breweries, distilleries and retail shops. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

S. Simpson: I'm getting to a question here about my own constituency at some point, but I'm just trying to understand some things as I get there. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

My understanding, and I'd be happy to be corrected if I haven't gotten this right, is that there is currently no general expansion of private liquor stores in the province, but if there are government stores…. Let me get this correct. If a government store closes, a private operator could buy out the lease and essentially take that store over and run it. Those are the places where you do closures and takeovers. That's what occurs. Is that what happens? [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

Hon. R. Coleman: Right now there's a moratorium on additional private liquor stores. I think I know what the member's question is, so I'm going to try and deal with it this way. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

Any private store can move within a community to a different location within it today. One city has a different rule, and that's the city of Vancouver. In the city of Vancouver if a government liquor store closes, in that location that it closed from — in spite of the fact that we may be opening another liquor store a few blocks away — the city allows somebody to move another, like a beer-and-wine-store type of operation, in there to have a liquor store. They're the only city that does that, because they do not allow spirits in their beer and wine stores in the city of Vancouver. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

[1455]

When the private liquor store model came along, all the other communities, basically, in B.C. embraced that and allowed them to separate and move to better locations within their communities. Vancouver said no, and then…. They've had a morphing of liquor rules in Vancouver which allows for what I've just described. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

The one that would be the best example in Vancouver is a government liquor store on Hastings. Somebody bought the property and the lease. They did not renew the lease with the Liquor Distribution Branch –– had another licence to move in there and were allowed by Vancouver to move a liquor store into there. The Liquor Distribution Branch found another location and opened another store, because that was allowed under Vancouver's rules. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

S. Simpson: I appreciate that. That is the issue that I'm talking about –– the East Hastings store. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

The only correction I think I'd make at this point is that all of that has occurred, except there hasn't been a government liquor store opened. What we have is…. We've had the store closed. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

I've spoken to people in the branch at the time that it was closing. I was informed by them that it was not their choice to close the store but, as the minister says, the lease had expired. The owner of the lease chose not to renew it, owns a few other facilities, stores and private operations, and was putting a private operation in, and that's how that occurred. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

I was told at that time that there would be efforts to…. They would be opening a new store. I think it was that they were going to be opening it…. It was some number of months ago that the expectation was it would be open. I understand that there may be some issues, challenges, around how that gets opened. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

My question, then, to the minister, since he certainly seems to have knowledge of this specific issue: is it the intention of the LDB to open another store in that proximity? I was told that it was a pretty good location for revenue. To open in that location –– is that the intention? If so, does the minister have any idea when that might occur? [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

Hon. R. Coleman: The last time I had the discussion, they thought they had a location, and I didn't know whether they had got to the point of opening or not. They were negotiating leases and that sort of thing to see if there was something…. There was some new construction, I believe, taking place somewhere on Hastings Street that they thought they had the opportunity. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

The store was an average performer. It wasn't a high performer, but certainly they felt they still wanted to stay within that market and wanted to achieve bringing a store back to that neighbourhood. But it's all a matter of when they build, what lease you can get. Also, they're not going to be held to ransom for rent, so they'll be as competitive as possible. So however long it takes for them to do that in a way that meets their business case, that's what I would expect from them. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

S. Simpson: There's a fair amount of new construction along Hastings there because of zoning changes that have opened up a lot of new retail storefront. There's a lot more vacant than has people in it at this point, so I think prices wouldn't be too bad for lease agreements at the moment in some of that new housing. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

I would note that there was a great amount of concern. I heard from an awful lot of people in the community when that store switched over to a private store, because it was done fairly quietly. Nobody was really aware of it until it was almost upon them. One day it was a government store. Then the weekend passed, and all of a sudden it was a private store, and people didn't even notice. The signs didn't change, other than it said "Hastings Liquor Store" instead of "Government of B.C. Liquor Store." [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

People were concerned about that because it was their preference to do business with the government store. I know they're all anxious to see whether this government store actually opens and they're able to go back and patronize there. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

One of the issues that were raised around that…. It was the local business improvement association that raised this issue with me around the private store. They were concerned about the private store and supported a government store staying there. Part of that revolved around the practices of the store. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

These operators, to the best of my knowledge, are fine operators, and they do everything by the book. But for example, there's a big question in that community because of the challenges some of the people meet around things like the sale of singles –– single beers, things like that. A big issue. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

You get the folks…. They're out in front. They're panhandling. They're doing this and that. They're going in. They buy a couple of singles. They come out, sit there, drink the beers and panhandle the next few singles or whatever comes with that. Or they wander up and down the street with their beer in their hand, and that raises a concern. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

I know that when the business improvement association, based on its members, brought that to the government store, they recognized that, and they ended the practice of selling singles in that store. They realized that it was a community concern, a legitimate one, and to the best of my knowledge, they said, "We will not sell singles," and that ended. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

[1500]

They went to the private store after it opened, and the private store said: "Singles are one of our biggest sellers. We do well out of selling singles. We appreciate your problem, but no, we're not going to do that. We're not going to change our practice." [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

Is the government looking at those kinds of issues in communities like mine in Hastings, where there are some challenges and some people that have difficult issues around alcohol and other things, and starting to try to manage some of that — even if it's in some of the private stores — around how they sell? Is there any work being done around that? [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

Hon. R. Coleman: The regulatory environment allows for the sale of singles, whether it be a government liquor store or not, and it's up to the operator. You're right that in some liquor stores that were government-operated, sometimes we have actually stopped doing that practice because of a concern of the community. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

This is not something that I would anticipate we would go change a bunch of regulations around, but I will undertake on behalf of the member to have a conversation with the owners of that particular store and ask them what it is, rather than have what they said and whether they say it's a big piece of their business or whatever. I think I'll go find out and then have a conversation with them. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

S. Simpson: I'd appreciate that. I have had the conversation with the owners of the store, but the concern was raised to me by the business improvement association and their leadership who went and made that request of the store. Then they spoke to me later when we were talking about that — when I was asking their advice about the possibility of a second store in the community, a government store and a private store, and what occurs there. That's when that came out in that conversation from the business improvement association. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

Certainly, the manager of the private store acknowledged to me that that conversation had been had and that their business practice was to sell singles. So I'm happy that the minister will inquire about that. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

At this point in time I just have one more question, a two-part question in regard to liquor matters, and then we'll move on to another matter. Are there any plans around either further closures or openings of government stores in the province at this time? [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

Hon. R. Coleman: The branch has basically been asked to run their business, and they do that as a commercial Crown. There are a couple constraints in and around how they do their business today. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

One is that we have a collective agreement with the B.C. Government Employees Union, and we can only close five stores over the period of the collective agreement. I think it is five stores in total; I don't think it's five a year. That is good on one side and positive and negative on the other. We actually have great success by creating what we call signature stores where we bundle a number of stores together into a larger store, and we end up with more employees than in the other three stores that were operating. Our returns are better, but that piece restricts those stores. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

Yet today those are our most popular brand out there in the public. They really like those stores because they have the selection, the different types of premium wines and selections, the educated staff and all that stuff in those larger stores. We can't do any more of those by bundling unless we have an agreement with the union. There's a lot of work that has to get done there. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

At this time, other than upgrading some stores when leases come up, which has happened in a couple places.... We had one closure on Main Street in Vancouver because they're doing construction, so we've had to move the store while the property is redeveloped. We would probably negotiate to go back into it — that sort of thing. That was a short-term closure. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

We will go through the next number of months. We have negotiations probably coming up, but it really is about.... The number of stores on the government side is restricted by that agreement. We have to keep them at a certain number, and that's what we do because of the collective agreement. We leave it like that. There's no anticipation of closing a bunch of stores or anything like that. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

[1505]

S. Simpson: Yeah, my understanding of that was pretty much the same. If the government opens a signature store, then it could close two smaller stores as part of the deal. I thought that that was the agreement, but the minister can correct that. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

The question I have is…. I know this discussion has been had before. It's the question of government stores offering chilled products — beer, white wines — putting coolers on site, maybe, in some of the newer signature stores or whatever. It's the ability to do that. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

I know that the government has chosen not to do that. I know that the private operators wouldn't be very happy about that because that is part of their piece of the market that's good for them — where they have 100 percent of the market there, essentially. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

Has the government given any consideration to putting coolers on site in some of the signature stores at this time? [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

Hon. R. Coleman: I think that in a few select stores we do have some cooled product. It's actually not our marketplace. Our marketplace is a larger store in a market, more like a larger grocery store versus a 7-Eleven convenience where you come in and buy a cold product. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

The cold product…. Installation of that in the stores is pretty expensive. We do look at it from time to time in select locations to see if we think that would drive additional business outcomes. But there's no movement to go in and revamp all our stores today with regards to adding cold product, because if there are renovations, there's the cost of refrigeration. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

Then the discussion is: what's your return on making that investment? There hasn't been a strong enough business case made to me as the minister to show that that would be worthwhile. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

The member is also right. When we did the whole change in liquor and when private liquor stores were allowed to have spirits and then move so that they would have decent locations and stuff, they were going to be more the convenience store of the business, and we were going to be more the upper-scale superstore, for lack of a better description, of the business. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

That's why I think the signature stores are successful. Our customers come there to those stores — and they're high-volume stores — because they're coming for the selection and the service and what have you. It's not about convenience for them as much as it is about what the experience of the shopping is and that they know they can get the product, whereas the other side of the business is more of a convenience-store model. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

In some cases there's probably a piece in between there we could deal with. But as we go through into the next level of discussions with the stores, as we do every year going into every budget cycle, that always comes up, and we have a discussion around it. We'll look at the numbers again. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

S. Simpson: One last question on that, and then we'll move over to other matters and off of liquor. The minister spoke earlier about how the LDB and the liquor are kind of an independent entity. It does its business and, you know, follows the rules that are set. But it's up to the LDB as a business to do what's best for its business, have the best return on investment while having a responsible operation. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

Those decisions, like…. If the decision, for example, is to go to chilled products in some or all stores, but the decision generally…. Is that a decision that's the LDB's decision? Is that a decision that would have to come back and get the approval of the minister, or is that kind of for the LDB as an independent entity to do on its own? [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

Hon. R. Coleman: The minister sets the policy under the Liquor Distribution Act. They are governed by the policy that's established by government with regards to their operation. So those types of things would come through the ministry, probably to Finance and Treasury Board, for a proper decision before they would be allowed to make those types of major changes. [DRAFT TRANSCRIPT ONLY]

Copyright (c) 2009: British Columbia Hansard Services, Victoria, British Columbia, Canada

GOSH: Prince Charles to endorse new "Cellared in Canada" wine

TRAWNA – (GOSH Wine News Services) – GOSH Wine News Services has just learned that Prince Charles will be endorsing a new "Cellared in Canada" wine.

 

Prince Charles has been advised by his wine consultant, Jancis Robinson, MW, to push for changes to the "Cellared in Canada" wine industry. He is prepared to wade in on behalf of wine drinkers everywhere. So far, he has managed to convince the Ontario Wine Council to no longer lobby for Cellared in Canada wines.

 

A source at the Association for Cellared in Canada Wines (AFCICW) tells GOSH that Prince Charles had specifically requested a blended wine at the "British Riserva" level to be named after his wife, Camilla. When told that the name would not fly in Canada (and to enhance Quebec sales), he compromised on the name, by titling it "Camille". There will be both a red and a white wine, with a rose coming next summer. Pricing for the latter will be based on the non-lobby grape price.

 

The wine, to be the Official Wine of the November 2 – November 12 Royal Tour will be launched at the Royal Winter Fair in Toronto. In return for the name and the reserve blend, the TetraPak uses the words "By appointment to HRH The Prince of Wales, provisioner of Cellared in Canada Proprietor's Reserve wine." To be discussed are the colour, size and placement of the font used on the label.

 

This unique blend, according to Miffed Mole, comprises not only English wine from the Lake District surplus but also crystal clear water from North Wales. The Ontario wine component can only come from those wineries who employ people named Charles.

 

How much water from Wales still needs to be determined, but it would certainly not come over in cobalt blue bottles. In fact, to reduce the carbon footprint, it may arrive here as dehydrated water, to be reconstituted in Hanover, Ontario. The stretch water content is sure to be hotly debated, said Brett Grimsby, our top investigative wine reporter. "Water doesn't come cheap; there must be limits" was his comment.

 

Both Prince Charles and Camilla are said to be thrilled to be a part of the Canadian reserve winescape, and both hope that their red and white wines become available as part of the Olympics Fine Wine Reserve Collection. The LCBO, A Crown Corporation of a Have-Not Province, is said to be on board for this one, and promises not to test the stretch water component so stringently, and also not to question the nature of the British Reserve.

 

More on the availability of this "fine reserve wine" as it happens…

 

Chimo!  www.deantudor.com

 

 

GOSH: CanWest to produce "Cellared in Canada: wine and food" magazine

REAL NEWS ITEM: Gourmet magazine, published since 1941, has been shut down by Conde Nast. Falling ad revenue has been blamed.

 

 

TRAWNA – (GOSH Wine News Services) – Today, beleaguered CanWest has announced its foray into the tough sell world of magazines. Never one to back away from a good American opportunity, the Asper family has purchased the Canadian subscriber list from recently closed Gourmet magazine.

 

Said a spokesperson: "We see this as a great opportunity to launch a food and drink magazine for Canadians. Apparently, through our due diligence, we find that there is not a single food and drink magazine published in Canada. We'd like to be the first."

 

Word on the street is that the new magazine will be titled, "Cellared in Canada: wine and food". Miffed Mole tells us that CanWest is enchanted with the idea of pairing real Canadian wine with real Canadian food.

 

The magazine will be monthly – it will mix recipes with wine and food pairings, plus engage its readers with some hard hitting political articles centered on Canadian food and wine.

 

Initial article storyboards have these working titles –

 

**Wines the government doesn't want you to know about!

 

**Cellared in Canada management theory: how to fool ALL of the people ALL of the time.

 

**Boeuf Bourguignon: can it be better with 21 cent a litre red wine?

 

**Haunted Wines [just in time for Hallowe'en]

 

**Editorial: The federal Minister responsible for Cellared in Canada wines MUST resign over his inactions regarding the Winter Olympics wine scandal.

 

**Has Esprit wine lost its spirit?

 

**Location, Location, Location: exactly where do most Cellared in Canada wines come from?

 

**Is there really a "Cellar" in Cellared in Canada wine? Or is it just a parking space?

 

**Cooking with Freggie™, the CIC fruit-vegetable wine.

 

**China: the wine giant looms in the background of any discussion with Cellared in Canada wine futures.

 

**Christmas: leftover frozen Thanksgiving Turkey recipes work well with Cellared in Canada wines.

 

The Association for Cellared in Canada Wines and the Cellared in Canada Wine Group have already announced they will purchase many pages of advertising. The Big Three producers of Cellared in Canada wines will also participate.

 

CanWest has gone on the record for writer fees: "We feel that we can offer freelance wine writers and bloggers upwards of almost one penny a word, which is at the top end of many such writer fee scales."

 

When asked to comment, the LCBO, A Crown Corporation, said: "No food and drink magazines in Canada? That's news to us. Where has CanWest been?"

 

Indeed.

 

More on this magazine launch as it happens…

 

Chimo!  www.deantudor.com

 

 

GOSH NEWSFLASH: Michael Jackson apologizes to Paul Anka for Cellared in Canada blend

4 STAR NEWSFLASH -- GOSH Wine News Services has just learned that Michael Jackson, now living in Sudbury and heavily involved with the Cellared in Canada wine industry, plans to call a press conference for today at 6 PM, to apologize to music giant Paul Anka.

 

According to Brett Grimsby our top investigative wine reporter, Jackson was allegedly caught appropriating Anka's secret bland blend recipe in the creation of Jackson's Cellared in Canada wine, "Moonwalk".

 

Said Anka from Los Angeles: "I haven't lived in Canada for decades, but I still consider myself "Canadian", and I contributed a bland blend of wines to the Cellared in Canada galaxy of special blends. My good friend Michael, who seems to be happy living in Sudbury. should be acknowledging my contribution to the CIC blending process."

 

Announced royalties will be split 50-50, but only on the domestic content. If "Moonwalk" uses any American wine, all the royalties for the 70% portion would accrue to Anka. Other offshore wines' royalties will be split according to how long each musician has toured in that country.

 

For the innumerate, the final royalty breakdown will comprise 50-50 on domestic wine, a sliding scale on the international component, and nothing on the stretch water value.

 

Either way, the end user gets a more musical "Cellared in Canada" blend, with the TetraPaks playable as nose-flutes.

 

When asked to comment on the probable sales value of the new "Moonwalk" Cellared in Canada wine campaign, the LCBO, A Crown Corporation of a Have-Not Province, declined to say more than: "Not our problem".

 

More on this breaking story as it develops...

 

Chimo!  www.deantudor.com

 

 

GOSH: Cellared in Canada wines to get new bottles and labels. to include stretch water.

 

NEWS ITEM: The Wine Council has formed the Industry Working Group on Label Clarity to develop industry-led improvements to the labeling of blended wines. Our Board gave this committee a strict timeline for response - it has been mandated to report back by December 31, 2009 in order to ensure attention to this important review and to demonstrate that  we are serious about implementing improvements on a timely basis. -- Wine Council of Ontario email to Brett Grimsby.

 

 

 

TRAWNA  -- (GOSH Wine News Services) --  With the sky visibly falling down, Chic Little, CEO and CRO of the Association for Cellared in Canada Wines (ACCW) proclaimed today at a hurriedly called Press Conference:

 

"We're changing…we can do it…with your help we can be the wine that Canadians love to enjoy."

 

Stung by all the bad press revolving around the revelations that "Cellared in Canada" wines can be misleading and that labels are untruthful, Little has lashed out at the critics by promoting change.

 

"Whatever you have heard about Cellared in Canada wines, forget about it…we're on a new playing field. And this time it is on the level. We're tired of the media that disseminates only disparaging remarks and slanderous disinformation through out-of-context misquoting. We are now in full damage control mode!"

 

As readers should know by now, Cellared in Canada wines in British Columbia can be 100% imported wines. They have been represented by the Cellared in Canada Wine Association (CICWA). In Ontario, there is a legislated ratio whereby the wines must be at least 30% domestic, and the balance can be stretch water (up to a prescribed limit) and offshore wines. These wines are represented by the Association for Cellared in Canada Wines.

 

Said Little: "We're working on developing a new bottle for the Ontario market. It will be a standard PET bottle for recycling, screw capped, and transparent. The labels will be clear to see. The words "Cellared in Canada" will be half-inch in height. There will be percentages listed, so consumers can tell right away which brand has the highest amount of Ontario wine or the lowest amount of stretch water, The standardized capsules will have a CIC logo."

 

Little went on: "But the best part about the bottle is its performance, which is why we are calling it the Puisse Café bottle. Each transparent bottle will have one-way slots to contain 70% or so of international wine, followed by a slot for the stretch water, followed by a third slot for the minimum 30% domestic wine. This way you can see the layers, the differences in colours, and yet be able to enjoy the full strength of the wine. If you are having a party, just pour the whole bottle into a decanter – there's no fuss or muss. If you feel like a little something from off-shore, just drink the top 70%. If you're thirsty, then stretch water is your next bet. If you want a domestic wine (and who doesn't?: they all meet strict CIC standards which are based on the QC and VQA standards), then just pour off the cheap 21 cent-a-litre offshore stuff, and the water, and then drink away -- but it's best with food."

 

Samples were provided at the press conference, and the media were busy pouring wine to see the effect of the slots and the change in the bottles. CIC food (burgers, fries, pizzas, wings, ribs) was served…look for an association between CIC wines and McDonald's real soon.

 

The LCBO immediately announced that while they would be collecting the 20 cent deposit on each bottle, they will not be returning the whole sum to the consumer who returns the bottle.  Said a spokesperson, "We don't pay out returnable deposits on stretch water."

 

Other plans for re-vamping Cellared in Canada wines include a sub-script on the label which states "Partially Parked in Canada" and a contest to engage the locavores in buying "local" wines.

 

Oh, and did you not know that bit about the stretch water? 

 

More on this developing story as it happens…

 

Chimo!  www.deantudor.com

 

 

GOSH: Export support for Fregggie(TM) added to AgriMarketing Program

REAL NEWS: "(Marketwire - Sept. 25, 2009) - The Government of Canada is investing $318,100 to help Canada's grape and wine producers increase international markets for their top quality products."

 

TRAWNA – (GOSH Wine News Services) – In a stunning departure from the norm, the Federal Minister of Agriculture today announced that Freggie™, the fruit-vegetable "Cellared in Canada" wine, has been added to the list of VQA wines eligible to receive assistance through the AgriMarketing Program under the Growing Forward framework.

 

Freggie™ expects to get a decent portion of the $318,100 pie, given that it is the wine of choice amongst eHealth employees (both current and former).

 

Said Agri-Food Canada, "Our Government understands the importance of assisting our producers and processors to build on their success and increase global exports of world-class Canadian wines."

 

Freggie™ was developed as an alternative to the "Cellared in Canada" grape wine that has lately been in disgrace. It was to be an original blend of 70% Ontario fruit wine and 30% Ontario vegetable wine. Its main purpose was to eat up surpluses of produce.

 

Lately, though, producers of the newly invasive kudzu plant have been pressuring the Government of Ontario, A Have-Not Province, to add kudzu to the mix. If this happens, then the proportion of fruits to vegetables will change. Sources say that fruit will come out on top at 51%, with vegetables forming the rest of the mix. The status of the addition of Ontario water is still unclear, but would certainly go a long way to reducing the turgidity caused by fibrous vegetables.

 

A spokesperson for the LCBO, A Crown Corporation, said, "We welcome any new alcoholic product so long as it passes the Quality Assurance Laboratory tests and is promoted responsibly. Despite the past failures of the LCBO's storage policies (we did indeed NOT have rubber walls as our former Chairman said), we are now open for business. A new source of latex has been found, and we can now offer any and all products made in Canada."

 

The AgriMarketing program, with an $88 million budget over four years, is assisting producers and processors to increase exports of Canada's safe, high-quality world-class products around the world. The program provides funding to develop and implement long-term international strategies and to undertake activities such as international market development, brand-building and industry-to-industry trade advocacy. Launched on April 7, 2009, the AgriMarketing program is part of the Trade and Market Development Program under Growing Forward.

 

It's a pity that Freggie™ (and other touted Canadian wines) will get only the pittance of $318,100 out of $88 million.

 

More on this story after top investigative wine reporter Brett Grimsby finds out why $100 was added to the original announced figure of $318K…

 

Chimo!  www.deantudor.com

 

 

Jean-Charles Boisset and Gina Gallo marry

http://www.decanter.com/news/news.php?id=289935

 

And -- they celebrated with bottles of Jackson-Triggs Proprietor's Selection Sparkling Chardonnay Brut!!! 

 

http://cms.jacksontriggswinery.com/ViewObject.aspx?sys-Portal=1&sys-Class=Wine&sys-ID=293

 

Does this mean that the Boisset-Gallo connection will merge with Constellation? 

 

Stay tuned for more FauxVoixVinCuisine as this story continues to unfold...

 

Chimo!  www.deantudor.com

 

 

GOSH: Dean Tudor wins SPIFFY Award for series on Cellared in Canada wines

TRAWNA – (GOSH Wine News Services) – In a stunning upset today, Dean Tudor of GOSH Wine News Services has swept the Barcelona Biennale SPIFFY Awards (Regional Division).

 

Held every two years, the SPIFFYs celebrate all that is bold and beautiful about false and fake news. [SPIFFY stands for Spoof-Parody-Imitation-Farce-Fabrication (in) YourFace…]. It's sponsored by the SJA (Surrealist Journalists Association) which is based in Barcelona.

 

Tudor won in the Regional Category (the least known sphere of parodies), with his relentless pursuit of "Cellared in Canada" stories. His spoofs in this area totalled well over two dozen, and have been acknowledged as some of the sharpest, most penetrating false news in recent history, although the issue on which the spoofs are based is real.

 

The "Cellared in Canada" series would have had a higher prominence and profile, and indeed, would have won big time in the overall "Best of Show" category if CICs were not such a local, immaterial regional issue. Nevertheless, the judges felt it had merit. CIC stories may be found at http://fauxvoixvincuisine.blogspot.com. It is the leading wine satire site on the planet.

 

In accepting the Award, Tudor had this to say – "This series commenting on the Cellared in Canada wine products could not have happened without my top investigative wine reporter Brett Grimsby, or without my industry sources, Miffed Moles. To them I owe a debt of gratitude. They will share this award when I return to the puny wine colony known as Canada. We will celebrate with some Cellared in Canada Sparkling Wine.

 

"I would also like to thank several spirited sources known as Little Fat Wino and the Grape Guy – I know they are cringing at the thought of being named or mentioned, but it must be told. Little Fat Wino has been my Engineer and Grape Guy has been my Brakeman – otherwise, I'd have had a train wreck."

 

Dean Tudor is President and CEO of Gothic Epicures, an empire-building food and wine consultancy specializing in Restructuring and Dragons. His next Restructuring campaign is to re-brand Cellared in Canada wines as "Partially Parked in Canada".

 

More on the Victory Parade in Trawna when it is announced…

 

Chimo!  www.deantudor.com

 

 

GOSH: TIFF succeeds with new Cellared in Canada product labelled, uh, "Tiff"

TRAWNA – (GOSH Wine News Services) – In a stunning announcement from off the red carpet (and thereby lost to the broadcast media who hadn't a clue), the Toronto International Film Festival proclaimed a glowing success with its latest fundraiser.

 

That fundraiser was a "Cellared in Canada" wine brand fondly labelled "Tiff" in honour of the both the film festival and the recent acrimonious debate between the Association for Cellared in Canada Wines and the Canadian Cellared in Canada Wine Group – not to mention the growing resentment amongst other Ontario wine players (OVA, VQA, WCO).

 

One dollar from the sale of every carton of Tiff Cellared In Canada wine goes to support TIFF endeavours. Most of the imported wine used in the blend comes direct from the back lots of Hollywood or from surplus plantings of various celebrities and directors (Coppola, Fess Parker, Smothers, etc.). The wines were cuveed and the assemblage done at not-yet-dead-still-alive Michael Jackson's new King of Pop winery in Sudbury. He had used his influence in garnering the wines from his friends in the Hollywood industry.

 

Wine and film critics invited to the TIFF parties filled out comment cards, and noted that the red wines served at these functions tasted "unusual", "interesting", "berry palate", "light mouthfeel", "short finish", "typically Canadian", "acceptable", "gradevole" (said one Italian film critic)), "conventional", "correct", "decent", "convenable et quotidien" (said one French film critic), "everyday", "fair", "as expected", "familiar", "keeps to a middle ground", "generic", "crowd pleaser", "matter of fact wine", "honest", and "semplice" (said another Italian film critic).

 

The white wines were noted as "floral aromas", "no surprise", "innocuous", "legitimate wine", "mild", "modique" (said one French film critic), "natural", "positive", "nice", "quaffable", "proper", "more or less", "manages well-enough", "neat", "normal", "vinous", "no surprise here", "within bounds", "all-purpose", "useful", "obvious", "bien pensant" (according to one French film critic), "passable", "avoids excess", "small-framed", "pleasing", and "sottile" (said one Italian film critic).

 

Robert Parker Jr. and Jancis Robinson Sn. had been invited to share their comments. Parker called the wines straightforward, but with refinement, while Robinson characterized them as unpretentious and unspoiled, with an unvarying and uniform universal profile. Parker disagreed, saying that the wines were typical, traditional, tolerable, and quite telling in being true to their post-phylloxera roots. Robinson's rebuttal was, as usual, unspecified.

 

The counter-tasters from the Wine Bloggers of Canada called the wines subtle, propitious, somewhat real, a bit standard, satisfactorily regular, with Franco-Canadians adding "candide", "sodo", and "robuste".

 

Nevertheless, fine Canadian movies deserve fine Cellared in Canada wines supported by the Hollywood infusion.

 

More on TIFF and its wines as it happens…

 

 

Chimo!  www.deantudor.com

 

 

GOSH: Sillyballs to buy "Cellared in Canada" brand, re-locate to Hamilton.

NEWS ITEM:  Jim Balsillie's bid to buy the Phoenix Coyotes and move them to Southern Ontario appeared to take a hit late Friday when representatives for the biggest creditor in the bankruptcy case said they backed the NHL's offer to take over the club. The process began in early May when Balsillie agreed to buy the franchise out of bankruptcy from Coyotes owner Jerry Moyes and move it to Hamilton, Ont. -- CBC Sports

 

TRAWNA – (GOSH Wine News Services) – In a stunning announcement today, billionaire James Sillyballs has proclaimed that he has bought the rights to a "Cellared in Canada" brand from the Association for Cellared in Canada Wines. He will immediately move the brand to Hamilton, increase its Canadian content to 51%, decrease its price, and change the label's typeface to a larger and more readable font to stress "truth in labelling".

 

In addition, he said at the press conference held in Niagara-on-the-Lake (admittedly, hostile territory, but then he does have the silly balls to do it), "We're going to proudly label this sucker so the Canadian consumer knows its origins. We're labelling it: "51% Ontario grown fruit", and to hell with the legislation prohibiting the use of the word Ontario.

 

"We're open for business – we'll be buying grapes from all over the province. If we are successful, we can up the percentage content to maybe 60 – 75% Ontario fruit.

 

"And yes, we're going to be in every market that VQA is. I will personally visit every LCBO, A Crown Corporation, outlet in this have-not province, inspecting the shelf location of my Cellared in Canada (CIC) wine.

 

"We expect to re-brand the wine to conform to other animal labels. So far our marketing department is wavering between "Phoenix" and "Coyote". Expect an announcement soonest."

 

When asked to comment, many grape growers were pleased that they will be able to sell their grapes instead of having them die on the vine. "Sillyballs rescued us just in time – we couldn't go through another year of losing money."

 

At the same time, the LCBO, A Crown Corporation, was enthusiastic: "Hey, whatever it takes to sell wine and make money for the Good People of Ontario, A Have-Not Province. We'll comply with whatever he offers us."

 

The Ontario Wine Council, unlike the NHL, immediately invited Sillyballs to apply for membership, while the VQA was not amused. The OVA, through its Little Fat Wino spokesperson, has offered Sillyballs first rights to Freggie™ the all-Ontario fruit and vegetable wine. Sillyballs said that he would consider it. "I love carrots", he remarked.

 

More on this Cellared in Canada story as it develops…

 

Chimo!  www.deantudor.com

 

 

GOSH: Cellared in Canada Business Management program collapses

TRAWNA – (GOSH Wine News Services) -- Former students of the Canadian College of Haute Cuisine are alleging that they were misled into taking a program that left them unqualified in their field.

 

Three students who took the Cellared in Canada Business Management program at the CCHC claim it didn't have the ability to confer the industry designations it promised, despite the joint sponsorship of the Association for Cellared in Canada Wines and the Canadian Cellared in Canada Wine Group.

 

They have launched a class action lawsuit against the CCHC and are seeking $11 million dollars in damages. Their lawyer said a court date has been set for October.

 

The proposed class-action lawsuit against the CCHC has not been certified by the courts, and the allegations have not been proven in court.

 

Top investigative wine reporter Brett Grimsby has been following this story for days now, and he files his report based on several interviews with Miffed Mole, the collective name for our sources who are familiar with the situation, and who spoke to him on condition of anonymity because they were not authorized to divulge details while they were very close to the centre of discussions and while the matter under consideration had not yet been finalized nor announced to the public. While the decisions may or may not have been finalized internally, and while an announcement on the matter may or may not be imminent, possibly within the next week or two, that specific timeline is not really known.

 

When asked for a statement, the students said: "We were told that Cellared in Canada wine products were on the cutting edge of Canadian viniculture, and there would be plenty of entitlement jobs available. Sales were rising exponentially every year, and there were supposed to be scores of opportunities to get into a cushy-cozy management position through entitlement. We weren't actually supposed to make the stuff, just know how the blend was done.

 

"Then the pomace hit the fan when the Olympic wine scandal broke. Imagine using imported wine to raise money for the Olympics! The public awareness of the fraud of CIC wines made all of us entitlement students redundant. It was all a waste of time and money. Somebody should pay for these jobs that we were entitled to get.

 

"We're also tired of denials and tweets like NMP or DEGT. The industry should have been looking out for us – two years of our lives were wasted with false entitlement partying."

 

When asked for a comment, the Canadian College of Haute Cuisine decided to close for the Fall term. The Ontario Wine Council is keeping its options open, and decided to be GFTD.

 

More on this mis-education entitlement miscue as it develops…

 

Chimo!  www.deantudor.com

 

 

GOSH: Ontario Wine Council to merge with Ontario Vinous Associates.

REAL NEWS: "It's in the interest of all Conservatives – Progressive Conservatives and the latter-day group – to come together in support of common principles," Mr. Mulroney said in an interview – Globe and Mail, Aug 27, 2009.

 

 

FAUX VOIX GOSH NEWS:

 

TRAWNA – (GOSH Wine News Service) – In a dramatic attempt to save the failing Ontario wine economy, GOSH Wine News Service has learned that the Ontario Wine Council and the Ontario Vinous Associates groups have come together in support of common principles.

 

Top investigative wine reporter Brett Grimsby has been following this story for weeks now, and he files his report based on several interviews with Miffed Mole, the collective name for our sources who are familiar with the situation, and who spoke to him on condition of anonymity because they were not authorized to divulge details while they were very close to the centre of discussions and while the matter under consideration had not yet been finalized nor announced to the public. While the decisions may or may not have been finalized internally, and while an announcement on the matter may or may not be imminent, possibly within the next week or two, that specific timeline is not really known.

 

While the Ontario Wine Council negotiates with the Ontario Grape Producers to come up with the best possible settlement of grape prices, the OVA prefers to be known as a latter-day group, a collection of revolutionaries determined to break into the Ontario wine market by specializing in non-grape wines, such as apple, pear, black currant, even Freggie™, the recently launched fruit-vegetable "Cellared in Canada" combo.

 

"We simply have to put aside our differences: more people are drinking spirits and beers," says Jim Warren, who currently runs the Ontario Vinous Associates and who is the man most likely to be in charge of any restructured OWC. "We have to create a buzz about wine, whether from grapes or any other fruit-veggie source. We should stop sniping at each other – there is plenty of room for all of us, even the Cellared in Canada program, which will soon be 51% Ontario fruit and proudly labelled on the container in 16 point type."

 

Earlier, the Ontario Vinous Associates had issued a statement expressing embarrassment that VANOC 2010 losses would be covered by the IOC, the first time this has happened in IOC history. "The shame of it, that Canadians could not drink more Cellared in Canada product which donated $1.25 from each bottle to the Canadian Olympics. We need to get with the program and consume, consume, consume. If more non-grape wines were allowed into the Olympic program, we could have put VANOC 2010 over the top."

 

When asked to comment, the VQA (the Very Quaffable Alcohol group), replied: "NMP and DEGT".

 

More on this merger as it happens…

 

Chimo!  www.deantudor.com

 

 

GOSH: Iceland seeks entry to EU, claims name "Icewine"

TRAWNA - (GOSH Wine News Services) - In a dramatic announcement today,
Iceland is laying claim to the term Icewine. As a condition of entry in to
the European Union, Iceland has asked the EU to control the word. All wines
from Iceland are to be named Icewine.

Apparently, the country of Iceland wants into the wine action. With global
warming, their vines should propagate quite nicely, and they want name
protection. Bjork has agreed to be the national spokesperson; she will be
prominently featured on billboards and TV videos, touting the wonders of an
elixir Icewine.

The country is claiming PDO status: Protected Designation of Origin. The
protection of geographical indications was extended to foodstuffs and other
agricultural products in 1992. Given the widely different national
provisions, power has been given to the European Commission to ensure a
harmonized protection across the European Union. It is currently governed by
the Regulation on the protection of geographical indications and
designations of origin for agricultural products and foodstuffs (No
510/2006).

In Canada, a 2003 agreement made with the EU provides for protection of the
names of wine and spirits. The new classification of names will be done in
phases. By the end of 2013, all of the affected names will be protected,
including Chablis, Champagne, Port, and Sherry. Now, with the projected
entry of Iceland into the EU, the name Icewine has been added to that list.

Both the Wine Council of Ontario and the Vintner's Quality Alliance are
furious; many individual wineries and grape growers are terrified, dazed and
confused.

"This could not have happened at a worse time," says Jim Warren, currently
president of the majority of Ontario wineries. "We know that there is an
oversupply of Icewine in this country and we are doing our level best to
move the product. The 200 mL bottle should help, especially if Icewine is
displayed on the perfume counters. We're even playing with atomizers.

"We know that we've got to move by 2013. We're spending a lot of time and
money on marketing, such as cross-promoting icewine martinis, icewine
chocolates, icewine yogurt, and double-double ices (wine and cream). We'll
just have to do better."

It had been proposed that all interested parties in Canada brainstorm to
come up with a new name for Icewine post-2013, such as "Frostwine",
"Frostbite", "Frostbyte", "Permawine", Permafrostwine", "Hoarfrost Wine",
and others.

Focus groups have apparently liked the shortened "Hoarwine", finding it more
appropriate (Hoar is the Norse God of Revenge), and even naughty. One wine
blogger commented, "Can you just imagine the label "Strut Hoarwine"? Or
"Girls Night Out Hoarwine"? It'll revolutionize marketing in Canada."

Key protagonists in this issue are pointing fingers, playing the blame game:
it is all the fault of the LCBO for not listing more Icewine; wine writers
should given more copy space to Icewine; the Conservative government has too
many enemies in the EU; and the tree huggers didn't believe in Icewine
anyway since the climate will be too warm after 2013.

The European Union's new wine regulations came into force as of August 1,
2009, ushering in a new era for the European wine industry. The hotly
debated plans - agreed by agriculture ministers in December 2007 - aim to
modernise the European wine trade and improve its competitiveness in the
face of a growing challenge from the New World.

The reform will also bring in new simpler labelling laws. All wine labels
are now allowed to mention grape variety and vintage on the label. The
French AOC becomes AOP (Appellation d'Origin Protegée) and the equivalent of
vin de pays wines will now be known as IGPs (Indication Geographique
Protegée). Iceland would have control of "Icewine" as an AOP, IGP, and
DOP/PDO.

But Mariann Fischer Boel, European Commissioner for Agriculture and Rural
Development, said: "Member States and producers have a great opportunity to
make the best use of the new wine regime to build on Europe's international
reputation for excellence. I truly believe this marks a turning point in our
wine sector's history."

The money that used to fund distillation subsidies will now be redirected to
wine promotion and the modernisation of vineyards and cellars. Iceland has
applied for a larger "newest member" share of these funds, claiming that its
vineyards are an emerging agribusiness.

The New World has seen its share of global wine sales rise from 3% in 1990
to 30% in 2008, according to the OIV.

More from Brett Grimsby, our top investigative wine reporter, as this
dramatic story unfolds over the NEXT FOUR YEARS.

Chimo! www.deantudor.com

BOOK REVIEW: Hesitating at the Cask

 

HESITATING AT THE CASK: reflections on spotting the differences between "Cellared in Canada" wines and "Vintners' Quality Alliance" wines. By Ann Tudor. Toronto: Molten Gold (a division of Gothic Epicures), 2009. 96p. pa. illus. ISBN 13-978-0-92000307-7. $15.00 plus $3.00 shipping & handling.

TO ORDER: Order through www.anntudor.ca (using PayPal) or email the author at atudor@pathcom.com.

 

 

                    * * *

 

In this collection of wry essays, Ann Tudor says things about aging wine that no one else is saying. She offers insights, though no solutions. What she gives us, in her unique voice, is not inspirational writing about growing vines. Instead, the word "subversive" comes to mind. You might laugh or you might cry, but you will certainly have a different view of buying Canadian wines after reading this little book.

 

You might try to read it in small bites, one essay at a time, but you'll find it hard to stop reading once you've started. The second time around you can read it more slowly and savour each clever, pithy phrase.

 

Perhaps the prospect of the Land of Wine scares you. Well, it won't be nearly as lonely and frightening when you approach it in the company of this unorthodox author, whose frank response to the wine aging process will make you grin (and then grimace) with recognition.

 

Anyone who has ever grown vines, who is currently growing vines, or who suspects that growing vines is in his/her future will want to read this book—and then buy additional copies to share with friends.

 

Visit www.anntudor.ca, where you will be able to read one of the essays and learn about Ann Tudor's other work.

 

Chimo!  www.deantudor.com

 

 

BAG - BOTTLE Trade Exchange to open in Toronto.

TRAWNA – (GOSH Wine News Services) – GOSH has just learned that the "ladies who lunch" in Rosedale and Forest Hill have banded together for a BAG-BOTTLE exchange.

 

As their recessionary money runs out, the matrons need to do something: can they pull their kids out of private institutions? Can they pawn their furnishings? Stop buying at McEwan's? Fire the staff? Cut back on gardening? Renege on club memberships? Default on the mortgaged cottage?

 

No, but they can do something that will make them pin money and make the city clean at the same time. Their operation will be open to all of the residents of Trawna.

 

The whole thing began when the so-called "Bag" Ladies of Rosedale merged with the so-called "Bottle" Blonds of Forest Hill to form a profitable alliance. The Bottle Blonds were fed up with having to slink into a beer store to return their wine bottle empties for a 20 cent deposit. "It's so demeaning," said one blond. On the other hand, the Bag Ladies, not bothered by the clientele in beer stores, were embarrassed to have to pay a nickel for plastic bags to be reused for garbage. "It's so demeaning", said one bag lady.

 

So an exchange began between the two groups.

 

And now, Trawna residents will be able to help out the ladies who lunch by trading value for value: four clean plastic bags for one clean empty wine bottle, or vice versa.

 

This brilliant conception of an exchange should reward the ladies who lunch as they can spend more of their time on profit-making projects.

 

Sources say that the Moore Park and Lawrence Park ladies are furious, and are considering opening their own trading posts. Word on the street is that the Old Mill ladies have set up an uber-exchange for after-hours trading between the Park ladies and the Hill and 'Dale ladies.

 

The exchanges are open to all consumers in the City of Toronto with proof of residency. Locations are being firmed up, to be staffed by the ladies who lunch. Consequently, these businesses will only be open from 10 AM to 11, and 4 PM to 6.

 

More on this story as the locations emerge…

 

Chimo!  www.deantudor.com