NEWS ALERT: CORRECTION to CLARIFICATION re: CORRECTION Notice on VQA wine prices.

NEWS ALERT -- NEWS ALERT -- NEWS ALERT

 

!!!!!!!!!! -- FOUR BELLS -- FOUR BELLS -- !!!!!!!!!!!!

 

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GOSH Wine News Services wishes to issue a CORRECTION NOTICE to the CLARIFICATION NOTICE (Nov 21) of CORRECTION NOTICE of Nov 19: re changing VQA wine prices over the next five years.

 

GOSH  had said -- "We  had originally said: "Over the next five years to 2015, unfortunately, the price of VQA wines will continue to climb by 46%. This has been confirmed." To CLARIFY -- this has NOT been confirmed. Our egg whites did not clarify this muddled statement from our insider sources. There is every possibility that the numbers were reversed, and that VQA wines COULD increase at the phenomenal rate of 64% over the next five years. What has been confirmed is that the price of VQA wines will NOT increase 5% over the next 46 or 64 years."

 

It turns out that we NO LONGER have any "muddled"  insider sources -- they fled.

 

GOSH Wine News Services wishes to apologize and grovel for any inconvenience that its CLARIFICATION NOTICE to the CORRECTION NOTICE of Nov 19, 2010 had caused. We promise to do better -- until the next time.

 

More on this story as we continue to monitor the situation ...

 

Chimo!  www.deantudor.com AND http://gothicepicures.blogspot.com

 

 

CLARIFICATION to CORRECTION re: VQA price hikes

TRAWNA -- (GOSH Wine News Services) -- CLARIFICATION NOTICE to hold off any potential law suits:

 

-- GOSH Wine News Services wishes to issue a CLARIFICATION to its CORRECTION notice dated  November 19, 2010.

 

We  had originally said: "Over the next five years to 2015, unfortunately, the price of VQA wines will continue to climb by 46%. This has been confirmed."

 

To CLARIFY -- this has NOT been confirmed. Our egg whites did not clarify this muddled statement from our insider sources.

 

There is every possibility that the numbers were reversed, and that VQA wines COULD increase at the phenomenal rate of 64% over the next five years. What has been confirmed is that the price of VQA wines will NOT increase 5% over the next 46 or 64 years.

 

GOSH Wine News Services wishes to apologize and grovel for any inconvenience that its CORRECTION notice had caused. We promise to do better -- until the next time.

 

More on this story as we strictly monitor our insider sources...

 

Chimo!  www.deantudor.com AND http://gothicepicures.blogspot.com

 

 

CORRECTION by GOSH Wine News Services re: VQA Wines and Hydro Rates.

CORRECTION:

 

The item recently issued by GOSH Wine News Services which broke the news that VQA wines would begin selling at a discount of 10% was, in fact, released in error. Our inside sources had confused the word "hydro rates" with "VQA wines".

 

What our sources meant to communicate is that the hydro component of CellaredInCanada(TM) wines would be sold at a 10% discount. The stretch water component of CIC wines (code named "hydro") would be listed on all LCBO cash register receipts for CIC wines, and a value based on the stretch water component would be eligible for a 10% discount.

 

Over the next five years to 2015, unfortunately, the price of VQA wines will continue to climb by 46%. This has been confirmed.

 

More on this story as it happens...

 

Chimo!  www.deantudor.com AND http://gothicepicures.blogspot.com

 

 

GOSH BREAKING NEWS: Liberals to cut VQA wine prices by 10 per cent.

BREAKING NEWS:  Liberals to cut VQA wine prices by 10 per cent.

 

Ontario Finance Minister Dwight Duncan is set to announce a substantial decrease in VQA wine prices for Ontario consumers Thursday.

 

The Liberal government will cut Ontarians' VQA wine bills by 10 per cent starting on Jan. 1, GOSH Wine News Services has learned.

 

Finance Minister Dwight Duncan, bolstered by a $1 billion reduction in the provincial deficit, is to announce "substantial VQA wine relief" in Thursday's fall economic statement.

 

The new "Ontario VQA Wine Benefit" will be clearly visible on cash register receipts and bills, which should jolt the Liberals' political fortunes with a provincial election set for Oct. 6, 2011.

 

It takes effect in the New Year.

 

Senior officials confided the cash relief is designed to help consumers cope with prices that continue to rise in part due to ambitious winery projects and new LCBO infrastructures.

 

"We want to help out and we want it to be meaningful," said one insider.

 

Other Liberal insiders believe the 10 per cent rebate is "a game changer" as the second-term government focuses more on pocketbook issues in an election year.

 

Speaking to reporters, Conservative leader Tim Hudak belittled the VQA wine relief. "This is another huge backtrack by the McGuinty government," Hudak said.

 

More on this breaking news as it develops…

 

Chimo!  www.deantudor.com AND http://gothicepicures.blogspot.com

 

 

GOSH: LCBO changes unopened-bottle return policy, reserves deposit fee?

NEWS ITEM: On Sept. 30, the LCBO changed its unopened-bottle return policy so customers will need a receipt to get a refund or to exchange a bottle. (Toronto Star, Nov. 1, 2010)

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TRAWNA – (GOSH Wine News Services) - The Liquor Control Board of Ontario, A Clown, er, Crown Corporation of A Have-Not Province, has quietly changed its unopened-bottle return policy so customers will now require a receipt to get a refund or exchange a bottle.

 

As of Sept. 30, the provincially owned monopoly had secretly decreed that retail customers have only 30 days from the date of purchase to get their money back or turn in unwanted products for something else. This policy was just announced November 1, a full thirty-one days since it became official.

 

The announcement blindsided many drinking patrons who regularly park themselves by the Corporation's doors.

 

"I had no idea," said one old-timer. "I thought everybody drank the bottles they bought. We certainly do," he said, gesticulating to his nearby friends who had surrounded a barrel that had a roaring fire.

 

In the event that a customer has lost or misplaced a receipt, the store manager could issue a gift card worth the same amount of the bottle. But it can then only be applied to Ontario VQA wine.

 

Said a spokesperson from the Liberal Control of Beverages in Ontario, A Have-Not Province, "We like to help the local wine industry. What's good for them is also good for us."

 

But it is speculated that those wine drinkers who do not want to consume Ontario VQA wines can barter for a receipt from one of the LCBO old-timers. Apparently, it has been found that LCBO staff never look closely at the receipts.

 

When asked to comment, Tin Whodat?, Conservative leader in Ontario, A Have-Not Province, expressed some conservatism: "Listen, if I have a bottle, I want to take back to the LCBO. I should be allowed to without a receipt — just like it has always been." [note: this is an actual quote from the Conservative leader]

 

At the same time, getting lost in the shuffle is the twenty cent credit for the deposit of the returned bottles. When this was pointed out to LCBO staff, the cashier said that it was just a software glitch, and that the refund would be posted to the buyer's account at a later date.

 

The LCBO is one of the world's largest alcohol retailers. It paid a $1.41 billion "dividend" to the Ontario government last year and an additional $405 million in provincial sales tax and $450 million in federal GST, excise taxes and customs duties.

 

Chimo!  www.deantudor.com AND http://gothicepicures.blogspot.com

 

 

GOSH: New iPhone app seen as a perk of Wine Writer membership.

TRAWNA -- (GOSH Wine News Services) -- The Wine Writers of Canada group is happy to announce that it has developed a new iPhone application for its members.

 

The app is free, but you must be a member of the group in order to download, install, and access it.

 

It's being seen by many as a major perk of membership.

 

The app, called Wino Function, has been developed with the co-operation of all of players in the Ontario, A Have-Not Province, wine industry.

 

Simply put: your iPhone will beep continuously starting at 20 minutes before the beginning of any wine function in the GTA. Or, if you live in the Canadian hinterland of Lake Erie, Winnipeg, Halifax, or Prince Rupert, the beeps will start 20 minutes before any wine function in your own area or region. The beeps are bilingual, but closely match the harmonics of "How Dry Am I?"

 

By picking up the phone, you will receive a text message itemizing details of the upcoming tasting. Depending on where you are at the time, you may never be late for another tasting again. The beeping stops as you arrive at the tasting.

 

This is considered a boon for those who attend several functions a day, because in addition to the announcement of the next upcoming tasting, there will always be a handy list of excuses for an early departure from a currently happening tasting.

Chimo!  www.deantudor.com AND http://gothicepicures.blogspot.com

 

 

BREAKING NEWS: Slither Man promises wine for vote switchers.

NEWS ITEM: Toronto Life had reported (October, 2010) that mayoral candidate Rob Ford offered their feature writer: "bottles of wine as a gift when I visited him in his office and seemed puzzled that I thought it inappropriate, as a journalist, to accept what might be read as something other than an act of generosity."

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TRAWNA – (GOSH Wine News Services) – Defeated Trawna mayoral candidate Slither Man, in denial for more than a week, today will call a news conference to announce his plan for election.

 

Sources say that he has brokered a deal with the Liberal Control of Beverages in Ontario, A Clown, er, Crown Corporation of A Have-Not Province. Using his connections with the ruling Ontario Liberal government, he proposes giving a free beverage of choice Ontario wine to any voter who switches his vote from Ford Pinto to Slither Man. That beverage could be Freggie™, a fruit wine, VQA, or even the ever-popular CellaredinCanada™ wine. This action would also help the ailing Ontario wine industry.

 

It had already been pointed out to Slither Man that municipal votes, unlike provincial votes, are irreversible and cannot be switched. But he is determined to go through with the "new" election.

 

"If you can prove that you switched your vote from Ford Pinto to me, then I can get you a bottle of Ontario wine. All I need is a vote receipt, available from any District Returning Office." said the candidate.

 

Ford Pinto's response will apparently double the stake. "I will offer many bottles of Ontario wine just like I did to that media hack. Whatever he didn't take will be up for grabs. Nobody switches on me, you hear. Nobody."

 

When asked to comment on the stretch water component, both Ford Pinto and Slither Man professed ignorance and both walked away.

 

More on this story as it plays out…

 

 

Chimo!  www.deantudor.com AND http://gothicepicures.blogspot.com