GOSH: Foxy Wine News Network Clarifies Queens Quay LCBO Story

TRAWNA – (GOSH Wine News Services) – The Foxy Wine News Network, now watched intensely by over 4,000 viewers every week night, would like to issue a correction re-call notice.

 

Foxy Wine News Network would like to re-call the story we put out on January 14, 2012. It was a feature about "critter wines" and the imploding Liberal Control of Beverages in Ontario, A Clown, er, Clone, er, Crown Corporation of A Have-Not Province Controlled by The Grate McGinty. The feature was about animal wine labels cluttering up the Queens Quay warehouse to such a level that pest control units (PCUs) had to deal with the SKUs and clear out the vermin.

 

This was the item that formed the basis for the necessary sale of the land at Lake Shore, Freeland, and Queens Quay, supposedly worth a quarter of a billion dollars.

 

Foxy Wine News Network wishes to apologize for not drawing your attention to the fact that there is no agreement on whether there is an apostrophe in Queens, or that Quay is pronounceable only if you are French.

 

Additionally, Foxy Wine News Network mistakenly reported that the story was written in January 2012. We meant to write it in 2009. Foxy Wine News Network regrets the error.

Chimo!  www.deantudor.com AND http://gothicepicures.blogspot.com

Public Access Computers (PAC) come to LCBO stores

TRAWNA – (GOSH Wine News Services) – The Foxy Wine News Network is reporting that the Liberal Control of Beverages in Ontario, A Clown, er, Clone, er, Crown Corporation of A Have-Not Province Controlled by The Grate McGinty, is about to announce that stores will soon have at least one PAC (Public Access Computer) installed at each location, complete with WiFi.

 

This will allow all customers to check the LCBO databases for stock in inventory, prices, availability, and so forth. It will also allow customers – and others – to check their emails and wine notes. The computer could be booked by patrons for 15-minute increments.

 

LCBO shoppers will soon be able to check the status of their fave wines and spirits at their fave store. As well, the LCBO will be engaging customers with a series of popup surveys as they use the keyboard.

 

Suggested popup poll questions could be like, "Did you have a red or a white wine with dinner last night?" Or, 'Did you have a domestic wine at dinner last night?" Or, "Are you in favour of a casino in downtown Toronto?" Or, "Would you be in favour of the Liberal government incorporating ORNGE into its Haalth ministry?" Or, "Should we increase the wholesale price of wines in Ontario?"

 

The LCBO reports that all of this should bring the LCBO system of stores into the 20th century.

 

More on this as it unfolds…

 

Chimo!  www.deantudor.com AND http://gothicepicures.blogspot.com

 

Foxy Wine News Network apologizes for VQA stand-ins at ceremony last year

TRAWNA – (GOSH Wine News Services) – The Foxy Wine News Network, admired and watched by over 4,000 viewers each week night, wishes to issue an unreserved and sincere apology.

 

Last year, during the Ontario, A Have-Not Province, Sip and Savour activities, six of the VQA wines attending a "reaffirmation" ceremony for Ontario Wine Week in the Foxy Wine News Network studios turned out not to have been recently minted VQA wines after all. They were actually ICBMs, the International and Canadian Blended Moguls on sale at various private wine stores and even at the Liberal Control of Beverages in Ontario, A Clown, er, Clone, er, Crown Corporation of A Have-Not Province Controlled by The Grate McGinty. The bottles were told to smile and wave, and salute the flag as if they meant it.

 

The director of the ceremony was told by the Grower and Wine Allianz of Ontario to produce it like a school play. It was meant to be a soft news story, as are most of the segments on the Foxy Wine News Network.

 

The Foxy Wine News Network did not intend to deceive its viewers. It was only in good fun, and we wish to express our full insincerity over this matter. Starting tomorrow, the private wine stores have agreed to offer $2 off any ICBM wine that was on our television program. To get the toonie reduction, all you have to do is identify which label was on the show, and buy the bottle. We're not going to tell you; you must have watched and memorized the show. We have also taken down that particular segment from YouTube.

 

According to custom, the Liberal Control of Beverages in Ontario, A Clown, er, Clone, er, Crown Corporation of A Have-Not Province Controlled by The Grate McGinty, will automatically raise the wholesale price a similar amount, to compensate for the manufacturers' losses.

 

More on this apology after the CBC gets wind of it…

 

Chimo!  www.deantudor.com AND http://gothicepicures.blogspot.com

HoseMaster of Wine

The Hosemaster is back!!  The funniest wine blog on the Internet (after my own FauxVoixVinCuisine, of course)...Take a look..it is compelling!!

 

http://hosemasterofwine.blogspot.com/