Faux Voix Wine Investigations Unit Finishes a Very Exciting -- and Exacting -- Year in 2008

TRAWNA -- (GOSH Wine News Services) -- GOSH folks, we're here to celebrate!  Welcome to 2009 ..The Faux Voix VinCuisine Wine Investigations Unit has finished a very exciting -- and exacting -- year in 2008.

 

We've broken more stories than any other wine source on the Internet..

 

We've dealt with many sources who have spoken to us off the record because they are familiar with the situations, and spoke to us on condition of anonymity because they were not authorized to divulge details while being very close to the centre of discussions. And besides, they lost their dark glasses and didn't want to be shot at.

 

We have collectively called them all Miffed Mole.

 

Top reporters who have worked for us included Moe Mentum and Brett Grimsby. Moe, I'm afraid, may no longer be with us...

 

A Superior Court judge yesterday ordered GOSH Wine News reporter Moe Mentum to cease reporting on negotiations between the LCBO and the industry. The judge had issued the publication ban even though neither the LCBO nor the industry had requested it. An industry spokesperson said: "We love Moe..he's got the real goods from his unnamed sources." The LCBO simply referred to Moe as a bothersome gnat, but did not want to take away his right to free speech. The judge apparently believed that Mentum's reporting had a chilling effect on any discussions.

 

Meanwhile, Mentum and Grimsby helped to break the following stories, all of which are still on the Faux Voix VinCuisine blog site at http://fauxvoixvincuisine.blogspot.com. If you missed any, check them out:

 

-The LCBO knows the location of every bottle of alcoholic beverage in Ontario

 

-The New Coalition is to take on the LCBO

 

-Constellation Brands buys Peller Estates for its wine stores, promises to take on the LCBO for wine sales.

 

-LCBO motto contest

 

-Repatriation of Vincor

 

-Niagara Frontier catches on fire with disgruntled  grape growers.

 

-Wine Writers Circle welcomes geezers with its Vieilles Vignes membership category.

 

-Hidden study reveals that corks are dead at LCBO, to be replaced by twist tops.

 

-Melamine found in "Cellared in Canada" wines imported from China.

 

-LCBO to license wine writers in Ontario

 

-LCBO song contest produces a variant of "Y-M-C-A"

 

-Federal Conservative Party campaign promise to rescind 1928 Importation of Intoxicating Beverages Act

 

-Ontario wine now available at The Beer Store

 

-Vieux Beaujolais Cougar wine will arrive November 19, 2008

 

-LCBO to go 24/7 in time for Christmas

 

-Canadian zombie gene isolated, to be spliced into Canadian grapes.

 

-Vincor to release high end wines in tetra paks

 

-Wines to be sold at Farmers' Markets in Toronto

 

-Ontario licensed wine writers to receive 10% discount for wine purchases.

 

 

Look for more exciting – and exacting – stories in 2009!! That's a promise. We're working on a dozen or more, filing our FOI requests, mining our Miffed Moles. Guaranteed to create a special PNG status…

 

Chimo!  www.deantudor.com

 

 

LCBO wants Tudor to work over the Holiday Season

TRAWNA – (GOSH Wine News Services) – The LCBO today chastised Dean Tudor for taking two weeks off at Christmas and New Year's.

 

Said a spokesperson for the LCBO, A Crown Corporation, "He can't do that! We need him to keep us honest, to bounce ideas off of for the future possibilities of life in Ontario. We're 24/7 via the Internet, we're only shut down on Christmas Day and the legal holidays…Why can't he?"

 

In response, Tudor asserts: "I need time to be with my family and to rest my palate – I've been exposed to over 3,000 wines this year, and I need time off."

 

In an email message received from the LCBO, the Board said: "That's not enough…Look how active we are, how much we do. Why does he need all that time away? He's the lifeblood of criticism of our policies…We desperately need an adversary at this time of year, especially when the economy is tanking."

 

Tudor replied: "I need more time to work through and develop my thoughts on the critical issues facing the consumption of alcoholic beverages in Ontario. I need to re-charge my batteries before going up against the alphabet soup of LCBO-VQA-WCO-OVA-WPA. I'm not supposed to say this, but the industry has asked me to come up with a bailout plan, to take advantage of the $30 billion that the Harper Regime will bribe us with…"

 

More on this development as it occurs, and watch if Tudor goes from BFF to PNG (and how long it takes to change)…

 

Chimo!  www.deantudor.com

 

 

LCBO knows the location of every bottle of alcoholic beverage in Ontario

QUEENS PARK – (GOSH Wine News Services) --  The Provincial Auditor today confirmed that the LCBO, A Crown Corporation, knows the location of every single bottle of alcoholic beverage in Ontario, from the time it enters the province to the time it leaves. And this includes all the bottling lines within the province.

 

The Auditor also confirmed that the LCBO super software can track liquid levels in the bottle and the absolute rate of depletion. In addition, the empty bottles continue to be tracked through the recycling process.

 

The Privacy Act, though, prohibits the LCBO from knowing "who" is holding the bottle.

 

How the public found about the bottle tracking is a story in itself.

 

Ontarians were stunned last month when it was revealed that the super LCBO software crashed when the TSX crashed. When the LCBO computers rebooted, administrators were shocked to discover that there were over 120 SKUS of pre-phylloxera Bordeaux wines in the Durham warehouse. This represented several thousands of cases of wines, all in wooden boxes and smelly straw.

 

According to the Ontario Archives, these wines were purchased by the Ontario Government in 1880, and kept in relatively good condition over the past 130 years. Investigative wine reporter Moe Mentum dug out all of this data, and became involved with the major tracking story when he discovered that the computer systems were busy synthesizing the pre-phylloxera material using special tracking formulae. He turned his data over to the Provincial Auditor for further analysis, and this led directly to the major story.

 

Unfortunately, because of this fall's economic downturn, nobody is able to afford the re-discovered wines. And Mr. Mentum found out that apparently the Accounting Department at the LCBO did not factor in any storage fees. This precluded any possibility of the LCBO making money on the products and showing a profit for the good people of Ontario, A Have-Not Province.

 

More on this story of economic woes as it develops…stand by for special LCBO wine auctions in 2009…

 

 

Chimo!  www.deantudor.com

 

 

New Coalition to Take on LCBO; announcmeent expected Monday Dec 8

 

TRAWNA – (GOSH Wine News Services) – At a stunning announcement to be made at a Press Conference called for Monday December 8 at noon in front of the Queen's Park Legislative Assembly building, the Wine Council of Ontario, the Ontario Viniculture Association, the Wine Producers' Association, The Beer Store, the newly formed Churchill Cellars Stores (with the just merged Vineyard Estates stores and The Wine Rack stores), plus the Colio Estates stores and all the farmgate tasting-room stores of all the fruit and grape wineries of Ontario will promulgate their COALITION (Committee for Alternative Liquor in Toronto, in Ontario, and into the North) to wrest control of sales from the Liquor Control Board of Ontario.

 

The groups had earlier approached the GMG (Grate McGinty) to propose alternative distribution systems for the dissemination of alcoholic beverages in Ontario. And to their great surprise, he agreed. "The time has come," he said, "for the private sector to propose alternative ways of doing business. This PPP (public-private-partnerships) is an ideal situation. The numbers crunch. The good people of Ontario will see the price of alcohol come down, and the revenues to the provincial coffers will increase."

 

The immediate question was what to do with the LCBO, A Crown Corporation within the province of Ontario, A Have-Not Province. It was suggested by a source -- who was familiar with the announcement and the meeting with the GMG but who also wishes to retain anonymity because he was involved with the necessary activities that led up to the announcement -- that the larger stores could be turned into shopping malls and condos, which would allow them to continue to show a slight but none-the-less appreciated  profit for the public coffers.

 

The smaller LCBO stores would continue to be boutique operations, offering Vintages Products, which represent some 8% of the total operation of the former LCBO and 92% of the headaches. The LCBO is unfortunately mired down in many programs of Vintages delivery, and this has contributed to the COALITION's grab for power. The LCBO would retain such programs as Internet Sales, Vintages, Vintages Online, Classics Catalogue, Classics Online, Vintages Essentials, Vintages Insider's Direct Sales, Vintages Holiday Sales, Vintages Holiday Fizz Sale, Vintages Special Air Miles Promotion Sales, Monthly Vintages Air Miles Promotion Sales, InStore Discoveries, Vintages Limited Time Offers, Classics Limited Time Offers, Rapid Release Program, Go-to-Market Program, Craft Winery Program, plus the various Delist Opportunities, InStore Disappearances, and coin operated washrooms. The Vintages Auctions Program will be re-evaluated in light of the economic downturns; many safe items such as Australian cask wines and imported tetrapaks did not even make their opening bids.

 

A response is anticipated from the LCBO after the head office staff return from their policy sessions.

 

At the Press Conference, the Federal Government is also expected to announce that Santa Claus has been exempted from the 1928 Act that prohibits carrying alcohol across provincial boundaries.

 

Pierogies, the new buzzword in food products, will be served. More on this and other stories as they relate to the COALITION's power struggles with the LCBO when they develop…

 

 

Chimo!  www.deantudor.com