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Saturday, October 1, 2011

LCBO to deconstruct under Whodat

TRAWNA – (GOSH Wine News Services) -- The Foxy Wine News Network has just learned that Tom Whodat, the leader of the Official Opposition in Ontario, A Have-Not Province, will seek to deconstruct the LCBO after he wins the election, by renaming it the "Limitless Conservation of Beverages in Ontario, A Clown, er, Clone, er, Crown Corporation of A Have-Not Province Controlled by Whodat".


Top investigative wine reporter Brett Grimsby has been following this story for days now, and he files this report based on several interviews with Miffed Mole, the collective name for our sources who are familiar with the situation, and who spoke to him on condition of anonymity because they were not authorized to divulge details while they were very close to the centre of discussions and while the matter under consideration had not yet been finalized nor announced to the public. While the decisions may or may not have been finalized internally, and while an announcement on the matter may or may not be imminent, possibly within the next week or two, that specific timeline is not really known. Sources should not be held responsible for the speculative and/or playful treatment of their research and/or disclosures.


Policy advisors have suggested that international wine purchases will be de-emphasized while Ontario wines will greatly expand within the rubber walls of the new LCBO, A Clown, er, Clone, er, Crown Corporation of a Have-Not Province Controlled by Whodat.


But Ontario producers have already suggested that they may not have enough grape product for sale, and that the Ontario Government may have to dip into its copious stocks of fruit wines, which, until this moment, seem to have been neglected.


Other advisors have suggested that a good Scotch and soda is just the ticket for Ontario voters, and have put their money on brown spirits rather than wines.


More on this story as it develops…

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