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Saturday, April 24, 2010

Car crashes into LCBO store, CIC wine section wiped out

[I really cannot make up something like this…well, maybe not all of it…]

April 23, 2010 -- OTTAWA — An 89-year-old man drove his car into a liquor store in Ottawa on Friday.

The driver was shaken, but not injured, when his Honda Accord jumped the curb, crossed the sidewalk and crashed through the glass storefront. The vehicle skidded for about 10 metres, coming to rest in a small lake of wine and spirits.

No customers or staff were hurt. The bouquet of fruity red wine wafted through the sunny afternoon as hundreds of onlookers gaped at the wreckage.

More than one remarked, "I didn't know this was a drive through," and dozens recorded the action on their cellphones as a tow-truck extricated the sedan.

The senior drove to the LCBO to pick up some beer. He was pulling into a parking spot when he accidentally hit the accelerator instead of the brake. He said he plans to keep driving. "I don't know why not."

A Liberal Control of Beverages in Ontario (LCBO), A Clown, er, Crown Corporation, spokesperson said that the entire CellaredinCanada(TM) section (at the front of the store, by the cash register) was wiped out, and that the larger wineries would be making substantial insurance claims for the loss. He added, "I don't know what value they will put on the stretch water component -- that's anybody's guess. Thank God that Freggie(TM), our largest selling fruit-vegetable wine, was not involved."

When asked about other Ontario wines in the store, he said: "Well, the VQA section is too small to matter -- it's at the back of the store anyway. And fruit wines? Well, they don't count...never did, never will. But don't you dare quote me on that!"

More on this story as the cleanup continues....


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