OKANAGAN - (GOSH News Services) -- In a prepared speech before many tourists and wine drinkers in the heart of BC wine country, Prime Minister Bubble Boy Harper today promised that if re-elected, he would rescind the 1928 Importation of Intoxicating Liquors Act (IILA).T he IILA prevents the importation into a province of any "intoxicating" liquor that has not been purchased on behalf of and consigned to the government liquor body of the province. Among other things this means that if, say, a Quebecer visits an Okanagan winery website and wants to order a bottle of wine direct from the winery – he can't. It contradicts the act.
But that will all change once the Conservative government is re-elected. Harpy has promised that there will be ease of access to all Canadian wines from whichever province makes it. The same will happen with beer and spirits and ciders.
With this action, Harpy has won the votes of every citizen in the Okanagan, and every citizen living on both sides of the Quebec-Ontario border (sometimes called the "frontier"). His plan calls for every HOV lane on the frontier to be rebranded as ABC lanes (Alcohol Beverage Carrier) and dedicated to cars travelling betwen Quebec and Ontario in the pursuit of wines (in the case of Quebecers) and beers (in the case of Ontarians). He is now assured of winning the election
But not everybody is happy: winery owners like Harleigh Crank of Erehwon Winery in Niagara fears that he might lose sales because his micro-terroir wines are vine specific and come at a high price."As a micro-terroir winery, we don't stand a chance against the ripe, round, rich, ruby fruitiness of the Okanagan reds. The 1928 Act is the only thing keeping these wines out of Ontario...we're gonna lose our shirts!.Why these BC wines clean up every year in the All Canadian and Canadian Wine Awards competitions."
Harleigh's second cousin (once removed) Harley Crusted, of Pandemic Winery, agrees and goes on to say that "We've just won a hard earned access to The Beer Store, and now we have to be competing with the Post Office. It was bad enough when the LCBO shut us out of Farmers' Markets...It just isn't fair, and if Harpy gets in, I'm gonna have to sell my pooch's diamond necklace."
The Conservative spin doctors acknowledge that votes will be lost in Western Ontario, but they are counting on the high roller wine drinkers to step up and vote for the Harpy team, and vote often. The LCBO is in a quandary over the loss of potential income via the markups they will no longer have. A tight-lipped senior spokesman at the LCBO, when asked about impending layoffs, just shrugged his shoulders, and walked away, saying "No comment" -- or something like that -- out of the side of his mouth.
More on this election promise as it develops...
Chimo! www.deantudor.com
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