Apologies Act Bill 159

TRAWNA – (GOSH Wine News Services) – Following on the dramatic passage of the LCBO anti-spoof legislation in Ontario, the Apology Act (Bill 159) seems to have provoked an outpouring of apologies in the wine world amongst persons and corporations.

 

"Apology", according to the new Ontario act, means an expression of sympathy or regret, a statement that one is sorry or any other words or actions indicating contrition or commiseration, whether or not the words or actions admit or imply an admission of fault in connection with the matter to which the words or actions relate.

 

It is not to be used as an excuse – that's a "pardon".

 

Nevertheless, top executives and spokespersons are busy crafting statements of apology, from the larger firms of Vincor, A Constellation Company, through the smaller mid-sized Liquor Control Board of Ontario, A Crown Corporation, through the smaller wineries and even to writers and bloggers and other general pests in the wine world.

 

Top wine investigative reporter Brett Grimsby has been on the scene for weeks now, and he files this story based on several interviews with Miffed Mole, the collective name for our sources who are familiar with the situation, and who spoke to him on condition of anonymity because they were not authorized to divulge details while they were very close to the centre of discussions and while the matter under consideration had not yet been finalized nor announced to the public. While the decisions may or may not have been finalized internally, and while an announcement on the matter may or may not be imminent, possibly within the next week or two, that specific timeline is not really known.

 

But here is what we do know MIGHT be happening soon:

 

- The LCBO, A Crown Corporation, wishes to apologize to the Good People of Ontario, A Have-Not Province, for price gouging over the years. It won't happen again, say government officials – ever. Until the next time.

 

- Larry Paterson, known as Little Fat Wino, wishes to apologize to Tom Littlefatwino for mis-using his name, even though Paterson had the name under license.

 

- Dean Tudor wishes to apologize to the Good People of Ontario for not producing enough hard-hitting articles; he will try to be more vehement in the future.

 

- The LCBO, A Crown Corporation, wishes to apologize to the Good People of Ontario, A Have-Not Province, for reduced product selection over the years. It won't happen again, say government officials. Until the next time.

 

- Michael Pinkus wishes to apologize for his articles on CIC or "Cellared in Canada" wines. As a nationalist, he actually loves Canadian wines. But he thought that CIC meant "Cellared in China".

 

- Vincor, A Constellation Company, wishes to apologize for creating two wines with the same label: the Esprit VQA and the non-VQA Esprit. It won't happen again, say company officials. Until the next time.

 

- The LCBO, A Crown Corporation, wishes to apologize to the Good People of Ontario, A Have-Not Province, for underpublicizing Ontario wines over the years. It'll never happen again, say government officials. Until the next time.

 

- The Ontario Vinicultural Association wishes to apologize for its existence. Said a spokesperson, "Sadly, we wish we really didn't have to be here. In a more perfect world of great Ontario wines at reasonable cost and availability, there should be no need for our existence."

 

- The Wine Council of Ontario wishes to apologize for "Cellared in Canada" pseudo-wines. Yada, yada, yada...

 

- The Ontario Importers of Wines, Beers and Spirits Association wishes to apologize for its lack of hockey expertise. 

 

- The LCBO, A Crown Corporation, wishes to apologize to the Good People of Ontario, A Have-Not Province, for lobbying the Grate McGinty government to pass the April Fool anti-spoof legislation. It's a blow against free speech everywhere. It will never happen again. Until next time.

 

 

 

More apologies as they happen…stand by…until next time...

 

Chimo!  www.deantudor.com