GOSH: LCBO to sell itself to Ontarians

TRAWNA – (GOSH Wine News Services) – Unbelievable as it may seem, the Liberal Control of Beverages in Ontario, A Clown, er, Crown Corporation of A Have-Not Province is poised to sell itself.

 

Our top investigative wine reporter Brett Grimsby has been following this story for days now, and he files this report based on several interviews with Miffed Mole, the collective name for our sources who are familiar with the situation, and who spoke to him on condition of anonymity because they were not authorized to divulge details while they were very close to the centre of discussions and while the matter under consideration had not yet been finalized nor announced to the public. While the decisions may or may not have been finalized internally, and while an announcement on the matter may or may not be imminent, possibly within the next week or two, that specific timeline is not really known.

 

Apparently, the LCBO has plans to sell all of itself to The Good People of Ontario. Rather than issue stocks and bonds, and present Bay Street with an IPO of immense proportions, the LCBO proposes to add $5 to the price of every single item it offers for sale.

 

The $5 will be equal to one share in the new company, to be known as The Liquor Board Owned by the Good People of Ontario, A Have-Not Province (LBOGPO, pronounced "leeboogeepoo"). Each purchase will buy one share. As proof of purchase, just simply hang on to your bottles.

 

Of course, you will have to forego the deposit, so the actual purchase price is ten or twenty cents more. That's about the same as brokerage fees, but it does seem to be a new fundraising attempt by the current LCBO.

 

Initially, dividends will not be paid out. Instead, they will be re-invested into research and more quality findings to protect the Good People of Ontario.

 

Said a spokesperson from the LCBO: "We hope to issue enough stock at five bucks a throw to make us all appreciated for what we are doing: opening up the LCBO for business and ownership in Ontario for Ontarians, The Good People. Eventually, everybody in Ontario, A Have-Not Province, will actually own a piece -- or more -- of the LCBO, and someday we will even begin paying dividends, maybe even cashing in bottle deposits."

 

Effectively barred from purchasing stock in the new LBOGPO are those who have been punched drunk by the older LCBO system of Green Permit tracking, people under 19, and professionally-paid-wine-writers-who-may-now-through-no-fault-of-their-own-have-a-serious-conflict-of-interest. These groups are planning to launch lawsuits citing discrimination. The issue is especially serious for the writers since they will now be unable to buy product to write about.

 

The plan is scheduled to take effect whenever The Grate McGinty approves the enabling legislation before the 2011 election. The derelict bottle collectors are expected to have a field day.

 

In anticipation of the legislation, however, the LCBO will begin charging the extra five dollars immediately, beginning on September First. Expect that $9.95 Pinot Grigio to start selling for $14.95 (plus deposit which you may never get back).

 

More on this story as it develops on CBC's This Is That…

 

Chimo!  www.deantudor.com AND http://gothicepicures.blogspot.com

 

 

Welcome to the CellaredinCanadaTM Wine Society!

Welcome to the CellaredinCanada™ Wine Society!

 

11 Years Celebrating Wine -- 30% of the time!

 

The CellaredinCanada™ Wine Society is a non-profit club that explores the CellaredinCanada™ wines of Ontario and those of other regions of the world through informal, educational, diverse and social tastings and special events. Our club caters to everyone 19 years or older. Because we are non-profit and supported by the CellaredinCanada™ wineries, we provide excellent value-for-your-money events. Currently, we have three chapters - Toronto, Ottawa, and London. We would love to set up clubs in other regions.

 

Join the CellaredinCanada™ Wine Society today by clicking here and receive the benefits as described below. Or, see the bottom of this page to sign up to receive our newsletter and event flyers free.

 

MEMBER BENEFITS

 

DISCOUNT BOUTIQUE

 

Click here to take you to a page of companies that are offering discounts to CellaredinCanada™ Wine Society members.

 

WINE TASTINGS

 

Each chapter holds 8 to 10 tasting and special events per year. Each event is built around a theme. A member of the CellaredinCanada™ Wine Society, and one guest, each attend the tasting at the member price which is usually $10 less than the non-member's price.

 

Recent Tastings Include:

 

    * Sipping With the Stars

 

    * The Passionate Art of CIC Wine

 

    * Bus Trip to a CellaredinCanada™ Wine Factory (see write up below)

 

    * A Sparkling Spring Evening

 

    * ZipCode-CellaredinCanada™ Challenge

 

    * Gadgets, Gizmos & Games - Oh My!

 

Each event:

 

    * Usually features 8 or more Ontario CellaredinCanada™ wines or a mixture of CellaredinCanada™ wines and wines from other regions of the world, especially from British Columbia where the blending rules are different. Often, these wines are tasted blindfolded.

    * Includes food - appetizers or a full dinner.

    * Often provides the opportunity to try new wines and wines that are available at the LCBO or winery chain retail stores, but which you wouldn't normally buy.

    * Is led by an industry expert - winemaker, winery owner, wine writer or some non-professional such as a funneler who works on the blending line.

    * Is cost-friendly. Since we are non-profit, we can provide a wide variety of high-quality CellaredinCanada™ wines and food at reasonable prices.

    * In Toronto, is usually held at a downtown restaurant, club or venue close to the TTC.

 

We issue a monthly newsletter ("Just Off The Tanker") that lists all of the special upcoming events that are happening at CIC wineries, restaurants and other local venues. The newsletter has write-ups of past events, Ontario CellaredinCanada™ wine industry news and feature articles.

 

Some impressive questions from our Bus Trip to a CellaredinCanada™ Wine Factory:

1. How does "Cellared in Canada" work? (Answer: You didn't even understand eleventh-grade math, so why are you asking?)

2. What would happen if I went inside the tank? (Answer: You'd drown)

3. How much did it cost?  (Answer: Forty squillion)

4. What does this thing do?  (Answer: Don't touch that)

5. What would happen if you, like, gave a saucer of CellaredinCanada™ wine to a cat?  (Answer: I don't know)

6. If I concentrate really hard, will I ever be able to understand CellaredinCanada™ wines? (Answer: No)

(...with abject apologies to the Ontario Wine Society)

 

 

Chimo!  www.deantudor.com AND http://gothicepicures.blogspot.com

 

 

GOSH: The STRETCH water component Media Conference, August 2010

REAL NEWS: From the Content and Labelling of Wine Ontario Regulation 659/00 (O. Reg. 659/00) Section 2, subsection (3) --"If a winery meets or exceeds the minimum requirements set out in subsection (2), (2.1) or (2.2), the winery may add water to the grapes from which the balance of the wine is derived as long as the volume of the balance of the wine as measured on November 30 in the year the wine is manufactured is no more than 902 litres per one tonne of grapes. O. Reg. 659/00, s. 2 (3); O. Reg. 382/03, s. 1 (2); O. Reg. 515/05, s. 1 (2)."

 

This is known as the "stretch water component" in CellaredinCanada™ wines. It does not exist in Freggie™. A lot of water can be added to CellaredinCanada(TM) wines.

 

For some unknown reason, NOBODY WANTS TO TALK ABOUT IT. Not winery people, not politicians, not reporters…

 

N--O--B--O--D—-Y...NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOBODY

 

Until today...Read on:

 

 

 

TRAWNA – (GOSH Wine News Services) -- At a Media Conference called for this morning by Ontario's Premier, The Grate McGinty, the following exchange happened. It was recorded by writer Stuart Wade (our apologies for rewriting his masterpiece).

 

A dozen REPORTERS crowded into the cramped space. At the rear of the media horde were several television cameras, with TV lights shining across to illuminate McGinty, Premier of Ontario, A Have-Not Province, who stood behind a microphone-strewn lectern to address the group.

 

Premier Grate McGinty: "We all know that there's a specific piece of information in question here. And with regard to it, let me first state that I know you all would like for me to say what we all think I'm coming before you to say. I would like to make it very clear, however, that I do not intend to say it. In addition, I will neither confirm nor deny it. So now that we all understand each other, are there any questions?"

 

Brett Grimsby of GOSH Wine News Services: "Will you say what we want you to say?"

 

McGinty: "Not exactly as you would have me say it. [pointed to Little Fat Wino] Yes -- over there?"

 

LFW: "Is the thing we all want you to say, in fact, true?"

 

McGinty: "I'm not saying whether it is or it isn't. It would be premature to judge that."

 

Grimsby: "A supplemental: since you're not saying the precise thing we all want you to say, will you say it, but in a slightly different way?"

 

McGinty: "You mean in a way that would have the same meaning as the way you would all want me to say it?"

 

Grimsby: "That is correct."

 

McGinty: "I'm not prepared at this time to do that. [made eye contact with the Ontario Wine Review Head Writer] Yes?"

 

OWRHW: "If you won't say what we all would like you to say, or if you won't say it in a slightly different way, will you at least say one or a couple of parts of what we all want you to say?"

 

McGinty: "If there is a situation where that would become prudent for me to say part or parts of what you all want me to say, I would, yes. But now is not the time."

 

Grimsby: "When will it be time?"

 

McGinty: "I don't know the answer to that. I want to add something at this point, before we continue. There are some people involved behind the scenes with this thing who deserve to be recognized for all their hard work. This thing has been a team effort all the way, and thanks to them, a real win-win situation as well. [pointed to LFW] Yes, go ahead."

 

LFW: "This information that we all want you to disclose -- might one of us be able to trick you into divulging what we all want you to say?"

 

McGinty: "If I am slow-witted at that moment, or if I'm not being too careful in choosing my words right then, and if one of you people displays extremely shrewd questioning skills, then yes, it is possible. Of course, I may even flip-flop as I have done in the past, so don't take me at my word. [eyes shielded from the glare of the lights] Yes -- all the way in the back there...you, Miss."

 

Woman: "I think I know the information we all want you to say but that you aren't saying, and here it is [she says something inaudible about water, maybe she needs a glass of water?]. Isn't that right?"

 

McGinty: [angrily reaching for a glass of water, holding it up] "Do you expect me to answer that? Next question."

 

Grimsby: "When can we expect you to say what we all want you to say?"

 

McGinty:  "Relatively soon."

 

LFW: "Can you be more specific?"

 

McGinty: "Well, we are expediting this process so I would imagine sooner than you might think, but I don't want to mislead any of you as to exactly when. The Cabinet is fine tuning the regulations. Yes, you in front…"                        

                                     

GOSH Wine CEO: "I heard some experts giving their opinions about the information we all want you to say. Can you respond to these expert comments?"

 

McGinty: "Well, I can't speculate on others' comments. And, I'm not an expert. [looked up to media who are twittering] I have time for one more question. In the middle there, yes -- you sir?" [pointed to bearded man standing in center of group].

 

Beard: "Does the fact that the Liberal Control of Beverages in Ontario, A Clown, er, Clone, I mean, Crown Corporation of A Have-Not Province, may be up for sale have any effect on this matter of the stretch water component?"

 

Having said the magic words, "stretch water component" – which N-O-B-0-D-Y NOOOOOOOOOOOOOBODY wanted to talk about, the beard is quickly Tasered by the OPP and brought down. The media conference immediately dissolves into chaos.

 

More on this interesting development as soon as people talk...Say the secret word, and win a case of Freggie(TM)...

 

Chimo!  www.deantudor.com AND http://gothicepicures.blogspot.com

 

 

GOSH: LCBO poised to untax wine sales

NEWS HEADLINE – Stockwell Day cites "alarming" rise in unreported crime in order to justify new prisons.  -- Aug 4, 2010

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

TRAWNA – (GOSH Wine News Services)  -- In a stunning announcement just made by the Liberal Control of Beverages in Ontario, A Clown, er, Crown Corporation of a Have-Not Province, the provincial government is poised to untax wine sales in order to justify bolstering the flagging economy.

 

Apparently, all CellaredinCanada™ wines (including Freggie™ the all-fruit all-vegetable wine) will now be available as UnCellaredinCanada™ wines, and eligible for certain untaxed write-offs. The VQA component wines now move over to the UnVQA area – in order for bona fide Ontario wines to get a similar deal. But many LCBO stores already have UnCellaredinCanada™ wines blended in with UnVQA wines on the shelves, so there is nothing unnew here. In the mix are unfruit wines which may appear to be similar in style to grape wines, unless, of course, they are labelled ungrape wines using the UnQC seal.

 

Top investigative wine reporter Brett Grimsby has been following this unstory for days now, and he files his report based on several interviews with Miffed Mole, the collective name for our sources who are familiar with the situation, and who spoke to him on condition of anonymity because they were not authorized to divulge details while they were very close to the centre of discussions and while the matter under consideration had not yet been finalized nor announced to the public. While the decisions may or may not have been finalized internally, and while an announcement on the matter may or may not be imminent, possibly within the next week or two, that specific timeline is not really unknown.

When asked to comment, a spokesperson for the LCBO declined. "It would be unwise of me."

Previous to this week, the use of the phrase "un" was restricted only to Untario as an unplace to stand. Now, it seems to have grabbed an untax advantage. Unreported grapevines may justify new wineries (but not unwineries), but only if they are untaxed by the UnClown, er, UnCrown Corporation of an UnHave-Not Province.

Unionville is 10 kilometres north of Toronto. More on this unstory as it unfolds…

 

Chimo!  www.deantudor.com AND http://gothicepicures.blogspot.com

 

 

CBC.ca | This Is That | LCBO Restricts Locations & Hours

I'm glad to finally have some competition for the SPIFFY Awards

 

http://www.cbc.ca/thisisthat/blog/2010/08/03/lcbo-restricts-locations-hours/

GOSH: Conservatives announce mandatory census WILL begin in 2011

The federal Conservative government's move to scrap the mandatory long-form census in 2011 is favour of a voluntary one has prompted criticism from a broad range of groups -- News item, July 22, 2010

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TRAWNA – (GOSH Wine Services) – In a major concession (all right, an election bone) to the people of Canada, the Conservative federal government has apparently decided to do a complete and full census. Later today, Statistics Canada will announce that they will begin to implement a complete and mandatory census of grapes in Canada.

It is expected to commence next June in 2011, but it will have a dry run this fall when the new vintage is ready. Provinces that have few grapevines will hardly notice any activity, while regions like Niagara or Okanagan will be crawling with census takers.

Every grapevine will be independently looked at and itemized as to varietal character. The number of grapes will be counted, as well as the leaves and rootstock. Farmers are being cautioned against pruning as this would tend to diminish the number and quality of the raw statistics.

But according to sources emboldened by the uncovering of the alcohol and eco levy scandal in Ontario, this is just the tip of the iceberg or icewine.

Top investigative wine reporter Brett Grimsby has been following this story for days now, and he files his report based on several interviews with Miffed Mole, the collective name for our sources who are familiar with the situation, and who spoke to him on condition of anonymity because they were not authorized to divulge details while they were very close to the centre of discussions and while the matter under consideration had not yet been finalized nor announced to the public. While the decisions may or may not have been finalized internally, and while an announcement on the matter may or may not be imminent, possibly within the next week or two, that specific timeline is not really known.

Apparently, the real intention behind the census of grapes is to deflect all the fallout from the recent problems that have afflicted federal and provincial governments, even municipal governments in Canada. Eco levies in Ontario were the straw that broke the camel's back. Before that we had the flack from the HST and from the cancelling of the human census. There was the mishandling of the Line Bryan affair, the continuing problems with the First Nations (lacrosse, for one), and the general malaise caused by a four year old minority government.

The federal government firmly believes that all of its public relations problems will be solved by a census of grapes. That sort of fits in with their personal belief system: that all of this will go away soon, just give the people something productive to do.

Barrie is located 70 kilometres north of Toronto. More on the grape census as it happens…

Chimo!  www.deantudor.com AND http://gothicepicures.blogspot.com