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Wednesday, March 23, 2011

GOSH/FOXY Wine News: Red-Light District Approved by Ontario Government, LCBO HQ moves.

City Councillor Mammoliti sees Toronto Islands as top choice for a red-light district. – Toronto Star, March 23, 2011.



TORONTO – (GOSH Wine News Services/FOXY Wine News Network North) – In a stunning announcement to be made later today, Premier Grate McGinty of Ontario, A Have-Not Province, will endorse Councillor Mammoliti's concept for a series of clubs and brothels on the Toronto Islands.


"We welcome this as a terrific fund-raising activity for the multiple benefits of government subsidization to the good people of Toronto. This should help them manage their $750-million shortfall in the 2012 budget – and get us off the hook before the October election."


At the same time, the Liberal Control of Beverages in Ontario, A Clown, er Clone, er Crown Corporation, will be moving its antiquated headquarters away from Lake Shore Boulevard to the newly created tenderloin district. Said a spokesperson, "The need for a new building, coupled with a need to be closer to the prime source of income, makes it incumbent that we go where the traffic is. We will be even better situated to remain completely insular."


"Our new HQ," said another spokesperson, "will have state-of-the art furnishings and reception areas, as well as 2012-style cubicles for staff. Every bit of the gravy inherent in new government buildings will be missing from this one."


Visitors to the new headquarters will be provided with a customized skiff (named "Tender Loin") that will ferry agents, staff, copious red wine for the loins, and media between the mainland and the red-wine-red-light district. It will stop when required at the floating casino in the harbour.


More on this story as it evolves…



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