$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ ALL THE RUMOURS, MYTHS, & WEIRD WINE $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ AND FOOD STORIES YOU CAN HANDLE.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$SS "NO MATTER HOW CYNICAL I GET, I CAN NEVER KEEP UP" (Lily Tomlin)

******************************* WINNER OF THREE MAJOR SPIFFY AWARDS FOR WINE SATIRE !!

Sunday, January 23, 2011

GOSH: Ford Motor Company to re-launch Pinto and rebrand it.

TRAWNA – (GOSH Wine News Services) – The Ford Motor Company of Canada will announce tomorrow that it is bringing back the plagued Pinto automobile.


This time, the car will be stylized as an "electric car" with no gasoline tank, thus eliminating the one explosive reason that the car was taken out of production.


The Government of Ontario, A Have-Not Province, is ecstatic that hundreds of new jobs will be created. The car is intended to best use green power from windmills and wind turbines.


Ford is also exploring the use of electricity from methane gas production caused by the millions of Holstein cows in Ontario, A Not-Fart-Free Province.


GOSH has also learned from sources that the Pinto will be re-branded to shake off its previously poor image and to take advantage of the latest trends in naming or branding.


The new Pinto will be known as Pinot, to take advantage of the lust for California red wine of that name. The array of colours is expected to conform to both Canadian-Francophone desires and to the basic black of the original Ford, and to include the colours Pinot Noir, Pinot Gris, and Pinot Blanc. If you're Italian, you may choose Pinot Nero, Pinot Grigio, and Pinot Bianco. Later, Pinot Meunier (an off-white, dusty bone, flour-y colour) will be added to the array.


More on this story as it develops…



Thursday, January 13, 2011

GOSH: LCBO Announces New Green Policy related to Transportation

TRAWNA – (GOSH Wine News Services) -- GOSH Wine News Services has just learned that the LCBO is changing its Green Policy.


Recognizing that it is actually more green to ship a lot of wine or spirits from Australia to Canada than to drive five kilometres to a store for a single bottle purchase (this return drive accounts for 30% of the overall global-warming emissions related to that one bottle), the LCBO is now implementing policy to regulate purchases, to ensure that it is Green and Efficient to buy alcohol at the LCBO.


Effective tomorrow, the LCBO will require proof of transportation before allowing a consumer to buy any alcohol.


If you are driving a car or a motorcycle, you will be required to purchase a minimum of one 12-bottle case of alcohol (it could be a mixed assortment) per visit. The purchase of one case is tied into the use of one vehicle, so it doesn't matter how many passengers there are.


If you arrived by public transit, you will be required to buy a minimum of three bottles. If you are walking or arriving by bicycle, you only need purchase one bottle.

Proof of your means of transportation will be needed on arrival, such as a car key with license tag, a transit transfer, or a bicycle. You'll be given a relevant tag which must be presented on check-out in order to obtain the bottles.


To help implement the system, the LCBO has brought back the Green Permit book, now so-named because of global warming climate change. The regulated purchases will need to be entered into the book along with the mode of transportation.


An industry source said that the book is needed to weed out the hired rubbies who would undoubtedly line up for single-bottle purchases in the stead of drivers parked nearby.


Said a spokesperson for the LCBO, "Hey, it's 1927 all over again!! We were prescient in using a "Green" book. We're returning to the Green Permit book after a fifty-year layoff!!"


More on this ecological happening as it plays out…



Tuesday, January 4, 2011

GOSH celebrates a remarkable 2010!

TRAWNA --(GOSH Wine News Services) -- GOSH is pleased to announce that it is celebrating a remarkable 2010. Not only did we NOT get sued, but also we were the FIRST with such stories as --

n      Freggie™ launches both "Pinko" and "Gravy Stain" wines

n      Ontario Crown Corporations to stop telling the truth

n      Liberals to cut VQA prices

n      LCBO changes its unopened bottle policy

n      New iPhone wine apps

n      Mayor Ford's wine agenda

n      BATF regulations on wine over the Internet

n      LCBO-SAQ liaison to wholesale wine

n      Transparency Act to apply to the LCBO

n      LCBO to match the lowest alcohol product prices in Canada

n      LCBO stores to reuse G20 fences

n      CellaredInCanada™ wines to be served at the G8/20 functions

n      Release of secret fruit wine tasting notes

n      Supreme Court to force GOSH to reveal its sources

n      Car crash into LCBO building wipes out CIC section.

n      Book launch for "The CIC Affair"

n      The Mother of All Wine Apps

n      Olympic Glitch Wine Games

n      Toronto Mayoral candidates call for a boycott of Niagara wines

n      CellaredInCanada™ wines to be gold standard in blind tastings

n      FOXY Wine News Network unveiled

n      Toronto International Freggie™ Festival

n      CellaredInCanada™ Wine Society

n      Stretch water component media conference

n      LCBO poised to untax wines

n      FauxVoixVinCuisine wines another SPIFFY Award


We broke more than 75 stories during the year !

Now, we'd like to wish you and yours a very Happy New Year.

Visit us often in 2011 (so we can pay our media bills) at