$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ ALL THE RUMOURS, MYTHS, & WEIRD WINE $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ AND FOOD STORIES YOU CAN HANDLE.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$SS "NO MATTER HOW CYNICAL I GET, I CAN NEVER KEEP UP" (Lily Tomlin)

******************************* WINNER OF THREE MAJOR SPIFFY AWARDS FOR WINE SATIRE !!

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Black Friday slams LCBO; sales result in mayhem...

Unabashedly borrowed from The Borowitz Report...
 
TRAWNA – (GOSH Wine New Services) – The first-ever Black Friday liquor sale in Ontario has resulted in shambles.
 
In what economists are hailing as a clear sign of economic recovery, customers throughout Ontario visited the Liberal Control of Beverages in Ontario, A Clown, er, Clone, er, Crown Corporation of A Have-Not Province Controlled by The Grate McGinty and jammed into stores on Black Friday, sometimes maiming each other to buy cheap wine and spirits.

"We have been looking for evidence that the economy is on the
mend," said Prof. Andy Borowitz, chair of the Economics department at
the University of Toronto. "When people resort to homicide to buy
a sangiovese, that is very, very good news indeed."

Prof. Borowitz  said he was "impressed" by the lengths to which some  liquor customers were going to grab coveted sale items: "They're using tactics we usually associate with the Trawna police forces".

With many customers using pepper spray and other weapons to get a shopping advantage, however, Prof. Borowitz  advised Ontarians not to enter a liquor store unarmed.

"If you want to get your hands on a doorbuster, you'd better have a weapon," he said. "Fortunately, liquor stores are offering several great doorbusters on full bottles that are on sale just inside the entrance. Just pick one up…"

The Liberal Control of Beverages in Ontario, A Clown, er, Clone, er, Crown Corporation of A Have-Not Province Controlled by The Grate McGinty and other retailers' decision to commence their Black Friday sales a day early on Thursday carries with it an added benefit for consumers, he noted: "Now, Canadians will be able to declare bankruptcy one day earlier."

All in all, Prof. Borowitz said that the increased violence and mayhem at  liquor retail outlets across the province was a testament to the greatness of the  Canadian consumer....

More on this story as it plays out on Cyber Monday…Be prepared for the heaviest Internet frenzy ever as hackers and consumers square off against each other with e-weapons of doom…
 
Chimo!  www.deantudor.com

No comments: