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Friday, November 27, 2009

GOSH: Rebranded "Cellared in Canada" wines in 2015, Ont. government reverses policy


TRAWNA – (GOSH Wine News Services) – In a stunning reversal of Liberal party policy, the Government of Ontario, A Have-Not Province, today announced new ground rules for the infamous "Cellared in Canada" wine program in this province.


While the current program is scheduled to end in 2014, it will be brought back again in 2015. Complete details are not yet known, but through our collective sources (aka Miffed Mole), we can confirm that the Cellared in Canada program will be re-invigorated like the Phoenix.


What we know is this: there will be a re-branding of the 2015 product in support of the Pan-American Games. These wines will be known as "Cellared in Pan-America", and there will be a larger, more prominent typeface/font.


Apparently, there will also be a "Reserve" series labelled, "Pan-American Wine Proudly Cellared in Canada".


Allegedly, the Government of British Columbia is on-board with this new development which they see as payback for the support that Ontario, A Have-Not Province, has given to VANOC. But they do not want a repeat of the Esprit CIC-VQA debacle of 2009.


Both provinces will supposedly endorse a unified Cellared in Pan-America wine blending program, with the wine in every bottle to come from British Columbia, Quebec, Nova Scotia, Ontario, the United States, and at least two Latin American countries. All of these provinces and countries, with their contributing percentages, will be listed on each and every bottle, whether glass, plastic, TetraPak or cask.


Said a spokesperson for the LCBO, A Crown Corporation: "We had no idea this was coming. We've already spent scores of taxpayer dollars to correct signage, to engage the locavores to buy local, to get brands into every store. What more do they want from us?"


Fruit Wines of Ontario is now looking at incorporating some mango and papaya fruit wine into Freggie™, its flagship Cellared in Canada fruit-vegetable wine. Because the Executive Director of Fruit Wines of Ontario has been diagnosed with lachanophobia, he is largely in favour of increasing the fruit component at the expense of the vegetable component.


Brett Grimsby is investigating this flagrant breach of existing legislation: questions are being asked about personal lifestyles and benefits intruding into blended Ontario wines. Some have said that there is a whiff of Ken Lay in this situation.


More on this story as it unfolds…



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