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Friday, November 13, 2009

GOSH: Value Added component for Cellared in Canada wines, go to the Front of the Line


TRAWNA – (GOSH Wine New Services) – In another stunning attempt to quell the disgruntled masses, the Government of Ontario, A Have-Not Province, has decreed a "value-added" component for the "Cellared in Canada" wine programs offered by the seven major Ontario wineries.


GOSH has learned that just after 5PM today, the LCBO, A Crown Corporation, will put on the shelves some new value-added Cellared in Canada TetraPaks printed with a coupon.


Apparently, in conjunction with TetraPak and AmEx, these TetraPaks will have a special coupon entitling the bearer to go to the "Front of the Line" in any H1N1 vaccine situation at a publicly funded clinic – so long as the purchase has been paid for by an AmEx card. To determine who goes to the actual head of the line, coupon holders will be required to play "rock-paper-scissors".


Said a spokesperson for the LCBO, "We expect these TetraPak wines to just fly off the shelves. They are real winners!"


Bottles and casks are not eligible for this program, and there is no limit to the number of Cellared in Canada TetraPaks that can be purchased, so long as each container has the coupon printed on the side.


The coupons are expected to use the same typeface, size and location as the current words "Cellared in Canada".


In return, the public clinics get to retain the 20-cent deposit fee.


More on the public's reaction to this new development as it happens, after 5 PM




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