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Saturday, October 2, 2010

GOSH: Transparency Act to apply to Liberal Control of Beverages in Ontario

TRAWNA – Gosh Wine News Services has just learned that the Ontario Legislature will begin an immediate emergency sitting to quickly pass the Ontario Transparency Act (colloquially known as the "Glasshouse Bill"). This has resulted from the Review Inquiry into the Office of the Ombudsman. That Inquiry had called for transparency at every level in all of the Ontario, A Have-Not Province, dealings with the public.

Complying with the impending legislation will be the Liberal Control of Beverages in Ontario, A Clown, er, Crown Corporation of A Have-Not Province.

Said a spokesperson, "The easiest way to do this would be simply to post on the website the overall policies regarding how the mark-ups and taxes are arrived at. Then, we would list the individual components for each and every base FOB price, fee, tax, cartage, mark-up, assorted levels of eco-levies, profit to the agent, HST and the like. This laundry ticket of breakout, so common with energy and communication bills, will be made and posted for every one of the thousands of products that we have in inventory."

Also in the works is a breakout on your cash register bill. The LCB is borrowing Canada Post software in order to modify it and reproduce the section that keeps adding to the bill by listing the various fees and taxes.

Top investigative wine reporter Brett Grimsby has been following this story for days now, and he files his report based on several interviews with Miffed Mole, the collective name for our sources who are familiar with the situation, and who spoke to him on condition of anonymity because they were not authorized to divulge details while they were very close to the centre of discussions and while the matter under consideration had not yet been finalized nor announced to the public. While the decisions may or may not have been finalized internally, and while an announcement on the matter may or may not be imminent, possibly within the next week or two, that specific timeline is not really known.

With transparency, CellaredinCanada™ wines will sell for 75 cents a bottle (plus mark-ups, levies, fees, taxes, deposits, etc). The average price for modest Argentine wines will be $1.50, while regular wines will be about $2 a bottle. It is expected that VQA wines will begin at $2.25 a bottle.

Said a reliable source at the LCB: "We'll soon have the cheapest prices for wines in North America. Nobody can beat us. Noooooooo-body!"


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