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Thursday, March 26, 2009

Statute to Protect the LCBO from April Fool pranks

TRAWNA --  (GOSH Wine News Services) – Today, the Legislative Assembly for Ontario, A Have-Not Province, gave third reading to Bill 139, a Bill to Prohibit April Fool's Day Spoofs of the Liquor Control Board of Ontario, A Crown Corporation of a Have-Not Province.


This will mean that NO ONE person or corporation in Ontario is allowed to spoof, to tease, to poke fun at, to scoff at, to parody, to burlesque, to laugh at, to scorn, to make fun of, to imitate, to ridicule, to caricature, to distort, to takeoff, to mock, to deride, to send up, to put down, to disparage, to knock, to lampoon, to satirize, or otherwise to demean the LCBO, A Crown Corporation of a Have-Not Province, on April 1 of each and every year.


Non-compliance with this new Statute, in force as of tomorrow, can result in a fine of up to $500,000 and/or two years less a day in a correctional institution where they only serve Cellared In Canada wines.


In a separate announcement made by an overly cheerful spokesperson, the LCBO, A Crown Corporation of a Have-Not Province, said that it will not tolerate any silliness from any of the 40 licensed wine writers who would write a column about the LCBO on this particular day, especially since the day of the week this year is Wednesday, which is also the day many newspapers and other media outlets publish their food and drink sections. There and many beverage ads on this day of the week, including those of the LCBO, A Crown etc. Such wine writers can expect to have their licenses lifted.


At the same time, the 2,000,000 wine bloggers in Ontario are crying "Foul!" since the legislation will NOT affect the other 8,000,000 wine bloggers in Canada who live outside Ontario, A Have-Not Province.


Unfortunately, the Statute has yet to be translated into French, which means that French-language writers may have a field day (jour de champs). Apparently, the translation office of the Ontario government is upset over the pending "blended" sales taxes; they will have to charge more in fees. Blending is no news for Ontarians since they have been forced to endure Cellared in Canada blends for years.


When asked to comment, Dean Tudor, well-known raconteur of wine tales, said, "I may have to brush up on my French. I've got some stories about "Cellared in Quebec" products that will need telling. I'll get them translated, if I have to. Meanwhile, April First is coming:  just watch me. . ."


More on this development come April First. Stand by, Ontario. . .



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