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Saturday, October 17, 2009

GOSH NEWSFLASH: Michael Jackson apologizes to Paul Anka for Cellared in Canada blend

4 STAR NEWSFLASH -- GOSH Wine News Services has just learned that Michael Jackson, now living in Sudbury and heavily involved with the Cellared in Canada wine industry, plans to call a press conference for today at 6 PM, to apologize to music giant Paul Anka.
According to Brett Grimsby our top investigative wine reporter, Jackson was allegedly caught appropriating Anka's secret bland blend recipe in the creation of Jackson's Cellared in Canada wine, "Moonwalk".
Said Anka from Los Angeles: "I haven't lived in Canada for decades, but I still consider myself "Canadian", and I contributed a bland blend of wines to the Cellared in Canada galaxy of special blends. My good friend Michael, who seems to be happy living in Sudbury. should be acknowledging my contribution to the CIC blending process."
Announced royalties will be split 50-50, but only on the domestic content. If "Moonwalk" uses any American wine, all the royalties for the 70% portion would accrue to Anka. Other offshore wines' royalties will be split according to how long each musician has toured in that country.
For the innumerate, the final royalty breakdown will comprise 50-50 on domestic wine, a sliding scale on the international component, and nothing on the stretch water value.
Either way, the end user gets a more musical "Cellared in Canada" blend, with the TetraPaks playable as nose-flutes.
When asked to comment on the probable sales value of the new "Moonwalk" Cellared in Canada wine campaign, the LCBO, A Crown Corporation of a Have-Not Province, declined to say more than: "Not our problem".
More on this breaking story as it develops...

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