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Thursday, April 1, 2010

BREAKING WIND, er, NEWS: High Administrative Changes at the LCBO


TRAWNA – (GOSH Wine News Services) – GOSH has learned that the Government of Ontario, A Have-Not Province, will change the reporting structure of the LCBO, A Crown Corporation. The Grate McGinty is scheduled to make an announcement later on the afternoon of April 1, but we have advance notice of some of the initial details.


Allegedly, the LCBO will now report to the Ministry of Agriculture, since the Crown Corporation deals largely with a food product, particularly a safe, pasteurized food product.


Apparently, the new incoming Chair of the LCBO is to be Larry Paterson, of Peterborough, a former top employee of the Crown Corporation. He will be crowned later in the week. There are those who will say that he has been bought by the Ontario government, to be forever silenced.


The new CEO who will actually run the LCBO will be Michael Pinkus, currently Head Writer for the Ontario Wine Review. He too has been bought by the Ontario government, to be forever silenced.


The restructuring will have only three divisions: Wines, Beers, and Spirits. Dean Tudor, currently running FauxVoixVinCuisine, will head up the wines sector. He is expected to step down as Head Satirist; he has also been bought by the LCBO, to be forever silenced.


Readers are cautioned that some of the statements contained in this release may be forward-looking statements, such as expectations, estimates and statements that describe the Ontario (A Have-Not Province) Government's future plans, objectives or goals, including words to the effect that the Liberal Control of Beverages in Ontario (LCBO) or management expects a stated condition to exist or occur. Generally, these forward-looking statements can be identified by the use of terminology such as "outlook", "anticipate", "believe", "estimate", "expect", "intend", "should", and similar weasel expressions. Since forward-looking statements address future events and conditions, by their very nature, they involve inherent risks and uncertainties. Actual results in each case could differ from those currently anticipated in such statements by reason of factors such as, but not limited to, changes in general economic and market conditions. The GOSH Wine News Service disclaims any intention or obligation to update or revise publicly any forward-looking statements, whether as a result of new information, future events or results, or otherwise.


More on these administrative changes later, but before some will say that we are forever bought out and silenced. Long live Ontario!!


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