$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ ALL THE RUMOURS, MYTHS, & WEIRD WINE $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ AND FOOD STORIES YOU CAN HANDLE.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$SS "NO MATTER HOW CYNICAL I GET, I CAN NEVER KEEP UP" (Lily Tomlin)

******************************* WINNER OF THREE MAJOR SPIFFY AWARDS FOR WINE SATIRE !!

Sunday, April 11, 2010

CELLAREDINCANADA(tm) Wines to Change Focus

REAL NEWS: From the Times (London) –



– The Taliban have embarked on a sophisticated information war, using modern media tools as well as some old-fashioned ones, to soften their image.



(GOSH Wine News Services: MEDIA RELEASE – Embargoed until April 15, 2010) –


Isn't it time you took another look at…the wines of CellaredinCanada™ ?


Not your father's CellaredinCanada™. The New CellaredinCanada™. The 2010 CellaredinCanada™.  CellaredinCanadaLite™: More water, Less wine.


We know what you're thinking: "CellaredinCanada™? Aren't they the ones who put stretch water into their wines? Don't they blend cheap offshore wines from Latin America with Good Old Decent (GOD) Ontario, A Have-Not Province, wines?"


LOL! You're thinking of the old CellaredinCanada™.


How do we know what you're thinking?


Focus groups.


You're, like, "Focus groups? Since when do CellaredinCanada™ wines do focus groups?"


We're, like, "Since Pizza Pizza started doing them."


You told Pizza Pizza that their crust tasted like cardboard and their sauce tasted like ketchup. But your criticism only made their pizza much tastier. At the New CellaredinCanada™, we want to be the Pizza Pizza of wine lovers.


We've done focus groups through CROP and Sopexa, and we've listened. You've told us everything you liked and hated about CellaredinCanada™ wines.


We're out to displace the fruit-vegetable wine Freggie™ as the number one blended wine in Canada! We've been cast as losers for too long. It's do or die time, baby. No more shooting blanks.


CellaredinCanada™ has come roaring back: no more stretch water (we'll call it something else, maybe "organic glacier material"), an increase in the Canadian wine component (and better Canadian wine too!!), free podcasts on how to appreciate CellaredinCanada™ wines, CellaredinCanada™ wine and food matching notes – we are so much more than just Pizza Pizza for wine lovers!!


Got an iPhone? Then you'll want to download our smokin' new app, CellaredinCanadaChoices™ which show you the exact location of your fave CellaredinCanada™ wines – the LCBO and winery stores that carry stock, with up to the minute price changes.


And log on to our new social networking site, CellaredInYourFacebook™  where you can talk with other CellaredinCanada™ fans, and play interactive games (warning: you must be over 19 in Ontario, A Have-Not Province, and prove it!).


You know you love us.


Follow us, won't you?


We're on Twitter.


(With apologies to the King (Andy Borowitz) and to the Winery and Grower Allianz in and of Ontario, A Have-Not Province)


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