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******************************* WINNER OF THREE MAJOR SPIFFY AWARDS FOR WINE SATIRE !!

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

GOSH: LCBO stores to reuse G20 fences for its wines

Real News: Ontario has secretly passed an unprecedented regulation that empowers police to arrest anyone within five metres of the G20 security zone fence who refuses to identify themselves or agree to a police search. The regulation was made under Ontario's Public Works Protection Act and was not debated in the Legislature.


TRAWNA – (GOSH Wine News Services) --  Apparently, the Liberal Control of Beverages in Ontario, a Clown, er, Crown Corporation of A Have-Not Province, is so entranced with the surplus G20 perimeter fence and the Ontario Public Works Protection Act "five-metre" regulation that they are considering adopting both for all of its stores.

Essentially, the government agency is analyzing the success of keeping CellaredinCanada™ wines away from bona fide VQA Canadian wines. They are toying with the idea of using both the fence and the five-metre rule.

Said a spokesperson, "We can get the perimeter fence at a discount because basically it is a "used" or "pre-owned" product. It makes sense to reuse instead of recycling. It can be easily installed in every one of our stores."

The Liberal Control of Beverages in Ontario, a Have-Not Province, may have determined that this is the best way to keep CellaredinCanada™ wines separate from VQA wines as the public and media keep insisting.

Architectural plans have been leaked to GOSH. The fence will go up around the VQA wine area, and the five-metre rule will apply to keeping out CellaredinCanada™ wines from that area. Some sources say that Freggie™ (the fruit-vegetable table wine with no stretch water component) will not be included in this marshalling of the VQA wines, while others say that both QC fruit wines and Freggie™ will be considered "VQA" for this purpose alone.

The plans further reveal that for smaller stores, exterior walls may have to be replaced by Andy Brandt rubber walls. The job will be turned over to the specialist Black Bloc Construction Company; in common with other large Clown, er, Crown Corporations, the deal will be untendered.

Critics are already twittering. One loud comment was "How do we now buy VQA wines?" Another spokesperson for the Liberal Control of Beverages in Ontario responded, "They don't sell anyway, so who cares?"

Canada Day celebrations continue with the wines of the FIFA World Cup Quarter Finals countries…

Chimo!  www.deantudor.com AND http://gothicepicures.blogspot.com


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