$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ ALL THE RUMOURS, MYTHS, & WEIRD WINE $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ AND FOOD STORIES YOU CAN HANDLE.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$SS "NO MATTER HOW CYNICAL I GET, I CAN NEVER KEEP UP" (Lily Tomlin)

******************************* WINNER OF THREE MAJOR SPIFFY AWARDS FOR WINE SATIRE !!

Sunday, May 8, 2011

GOSH: VQA systrem a fabrication, entirely made up in 1992

TRAWNA – (GOSH Wine News Services) – The Foxy Wine News Network (with up to 4,000 viewers nationally) has just learned, to its astonishment, that a group of "leading Ontario winemakers" will be announcing this week at the SomewhereNess consumer show that the whole VQA system within Ontario viticulture was "entirely fabricated" between 1992 and 1994 by a team of winery project managers working "non-stop" to forge the relevant evidence.


Top investigative wine reporter Brett Grimsby has been following this story for days now, and he files his report based on several interviews with Miffed Mole, the collective name for our sources who are familiar with the situation, and who spoke to him on condition of anonymity because they were not authorized to divulge details while they were very close to the centre of discussions and while the matter under consideration had not yet been finalized nor announced to the public. While the decisions may or may not have been finalized internally, and while an announcement on the matter may or may not be imminent, possibly within the next week or two, that specific timeline is not really known. Sources should not be held responsible for the speculative and/or playful treatment of their research and/or disclosures.


Foxy Wine News, sifting through the documentation, has been pretty impressed with the evidence. They have been overwhelmed with names, dates, figures…


"We just started making things up," a spokesman explained. "Icewine, Meritage, vinifera such as Cabernet Franc (Cabernet what? Think about it), terroirs, the Bench system (St. David's? Welsh. Beamsville? Fred C. Dobbs), stretch water, hybrids such as Baco Noir or Vidal, Lake Erie North Shore (really? OMG), all the different legislation and Byzantine regulations, everything. Our biggest coup was sucking in the British Columbia government to copy our scheme. Nova Scotia was smarter: they did their due diligence."


Icewine, for example, was actually the work of a winery intern, a second year student at Brock University named Dwayne.


When asked to comment, a spokesperson for the Liberal Control of Beverages in Ontario, A Clown, er, Clone, er, Crown Corporation of A Have-Not Province Controlled by The Grate McGinty said, "That's the first I've heard of this. Our shelves are brimming with VQA products: it's real. You can see the logo on the bottles. How can they just make this up?"


The consortium of "leading Ontario winemakers", when notified of this response, simply stated: "Pretty tricky, huh?"


More on this startling development as it breaks wide open…


No comments: