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******************************* WINNER OF THREE MAJOR SPIFFY AWARDS FOR WINE SATIRE !!

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

BREAKING NEWS: Slither Man promises wine for vote switchers.

NEWS ITEM: Toronto Life had reported (October, 2010) that mayoral candidate Rob Ford offered their feature writer: "bottles of wine as a gift when I visited him in his office and seemed puzzled that I thought it inappropriate, as a journalist, to accept what might be read as something other than an act of generosity."



TRAWNA – (GOSH Wine News Services) – Defeated Trawna mayoral candidate Slither Man, in denial for more than a week, today will call a news conference to announce his plan for election.


Sources say that he has brokered a deal with the Liberal Control of Beverages in Ontario, A Clown, er, Crown Corporation of A Have-Not Province. Using his connections with the ruling Ontario Liberal government, he proposes giving a free beverage of choice Ontario wine to any voter who switches his vote from Ford Pinto to Slither Man. That beverage could be Freggie™, a fruit wine, VQA, or even the ever-popular CellaredinCanada™ wine. This action would also help the ailing Ontario wine industry.


It had already been pointed out to Slither Man that municipal votes, unlike provincial votes, are irreversible and cannot be switched. But he is determined to go through with the "new" election.


"If you can prove that you switched your vote from Ford Pinto to me, then I can get you a bottle of Ontario wine. All I need is a vote receipt, available from any District Returning Office." said the candidate.


Ford Pinto's response will apparently double the stake. "I will offer many bottles of Ontario wine just like I did to that media hack. Whatever he didn't take will be up for grabs. Nobody switches on me, you hear. Nobody."


When asked to comment on the stretch water component, both Ford Pinto and Slither Man professed ignorance and both walked away.


More on this story as it plays out…




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