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******************************* WINNER OF THREE MAJOR SPIFFY AWARDS FOR WINE SATIRE !!

Saturday, October 4, 2008

GOSH: LCBO Announces Winner of Its Song Contest

This just in from our GOSH news services ---

 

TORONTO – Today, the LCBO has announced the winner of its new participatory contest to find a song or jingle that reflects the LCBO's latest endeavour: reaching out to the community.

 

An unnamed source in the External Relations department at the LCBO confirmed the dismal failure of the province-wide search for a motto that would have been incorporated into the song. Several suggestions had included "Hell No We Won't Go", "Liquor for Life", and "Liquor is Quicker", but the LCBO felt that the tone was unacceptable for the modern lifestyle.

 

"We decided to scrap the motto and open it up to a song or jingle. Rather than go through the expensive advertising and search process, we just sifted through the 14,685 rejects from the Hockey Night in Canada theme song contest. We certainly saved a bundle in costs, and these savings will be passed along to our customers in the form of value added attractions, such as a larger and better Food and Drink magazine."

 

The spokesperson went on: "The rejects seemed to have some bona fide musical ideas, but the winning entry wanted too much money in residuals, being tied to a flat fee for every bottle sold in Ontario. We felt that this mill rate was too high, and that it exceeded even our executives' compensation packages."

 

Apparently, the next idea was to approach pop music critics in order to adapt an existing song. Within ten minutes, the LCBO had its song, and within an hour, they had sealed the deal with the Village People's music publisher.

 

The LCBO's spokesperson said: "It seemed to be a no-brainer. I don't know why we didn't think of it before, but "Y-M-C-A" is perfect. Everybody knows the tune, everybody knows the lyrics, and everybody knows the movements. We just changed a few words around. The song is now known as "L-C-B-O". We initially had some problems with the "B" shape – who hasn't? – but we solved that one by hiring a twelve year old unemployed Chinese gymnast who had been let go from the Olympic team because she was too old. In fact, we had her demonstrate all of the movements for a new DVD of the song that we will be including with the Holiday edition of Food and Drink. It's a shame that we can't use the word "Christmas" any more, but that's life in the 21st century."

 

Typical lyrics read:

 

                  You can drink there, and I'm sure you will find

                  Many ways to have a good time.

 

                  It's fun to drink through the l-c-b-o.

 

                  And just go there, to the l.c.b.o

                  I'm sure they can help you whoa-oh-oh-oh

 

 

 

 
 

Friday, October 3, 2008

Cooking With Balls: World's first testicle recipe book

Cooking With Balls: World's first testicle recipe book
By Alastair Jamieson

A chef is publishing a book of recipes for cooking with testicles.

> Hailed as the world's first recipe collection of its kind, Cooking With
> Balls includes testicle pizza, battered testicles and and barbecued
> testicles with giblets.
>
> Ljubomir Erovic, the chef behind the book, said testicles are rich in
> testosterone and are believed to be a powerful aphrodisiac in China as
> well as his homeland of Serbia.

More at ...
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/3121465/Cooking-With-Balls-Worlds-first-testicle-recipe-book.htmlChimo! www.deantudor.com

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Rejected New Zealand wine going cheap

A New Zealand wine rejected by European buyers because of its high metal
content is being sold at knock-down prices in New World and Pak'n Save
supermarkets.

Last year, Martinborough-based Te Kairanga winery had a 4000-case shipment
of its 2006 pinot noir returned after its German buyer discovered the wine's
copper content exceeded European standards.

Copper sulphate or copper citrate is often added to wine to eliminate
sulphurous odours produced during fermentation, but in this instance too
much was added.

More at

http://www.stuff.co.nz/stuff/4708684a13.html

Chimo! www.deantudor.com

Saturday, September 27, 2008

GOSH: If re-elected, the Prime Minister promises to rescind the 1928 Importation of Intoxicating Liquors Act

OKANAGAN - (GOSH News Services) -- In a prepared speech before many tourists and wine drinkers in the heart of BC wine country, Prime Minister Bubble Boy Harper today promised that if re-elected, he would rescind the 1928 Importation of Intoxicating Liquors Act (IILA).T he IILA prevents the importation into a province of any "intoxicating" liquor that has not been purchased on behalf of and consigned to the government liquor body of the province. Among other things this means that if, say, a Quebecer visits an Okanagan winery website and wants to order a bottle of wine direct from the winery – he can't. It contradicts the act.

But that will all change once the Conservative government is re-elected. Harpy has promised that there will be ease of access to all Canadian wines from whichever province makes it. The same will happen with beer and spirits and ciders.

With this action, Harpy has won the votes of every citizen in the Okanagan, and every citizen living on both sides of the Quebec-Ontario border (sometimes called the "frontier"). His plan calls for every HOV lane on the frontier to be rebranded as ABC lanes (Alcohol Beverage Carrier) and dedicated to cars travelling betwen Quebec and Ontario in the pursuit of wines (in the case of Quebecers) and beers (in the case of Ontarians). He is now assured of winning the election

But not everybody is happy: winery owners like Harleigh Crank of Erehwon Winery in Niagara fears that he might lose sales because his micro-terroir wines are vine specific and come at a high price."As a micro-terroir winery, we don't stand a chance against the ripe, round, rich, ruby fruitiness of the Okanagan reds. The 1928 Act is the only thing keeping these wines out of Ontario...we're gonna lose our shirts!.Why these BC wines clean up every year in the All Canadian and Canadian Wine Awards competitions."

Harleigh's second cousin (once removed) Harley Crusted, of Pandemic Winery, agrees and goes on to say that "We've just won a hard earned access to The Beer Store, and now we have to be competing with the Post Office. It was bad enough when the LCBO shut us out of Farmers' Markets...It just isn't fair, and if Harpy gets in, I'm gonna have to sell my pooch's diamond necklace."

The Conservative spin doctors acknowledge that votes will be lost in Western Ontario, but they are counting on the high roller wine drinkers to step up and vote for the Harpy team, and vote often. The LCBO is in a quandary over the loss of potential income via the markups they will no longer have. A tight-lipped senior spokesman at the LCBO, when asked about impending layoffs, just shrugged his shoulders, and walked away, saying "No comment" -- or something like that -- out of the side of his mouth.

More on this election promise as it develops...

Chimo!  www.deantudor.com

 

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

GOSHerald: Ontario wine at The Beer Store

TORONTO – (GOSH News Services) – Today, the Province of Ontario has introduced a Bill to consolidate the have-not portions of the Ontario wine industry.

 

A secret study was done a year ago to resolve access issues unique to the Wine Council of Ontario, the Wine Producers Association, Vintners Quality Alliance, Fruit Wines Ontario, and the newly formed Ontario Viniculture Association. An unnamed American wine business consultant was retained and his recommendations included easier availability to wine beverages.

 

The Province of Ontario has now acted on this. Beginning in December, just in time for the Christmas party period, all the non-listed (at the LCBO) 100% Ontario grape and fruit wines will be available at The Beer Store. Each winery will be allowed one product at each of the hundreds of stores, and the winery can change the product from beer store to beer store to better reflect its inventory position and local community drinking patterns.

 

"What better place to offer consumers a choice of Ontario wines than through The Beer Store?" said Premier Grate McGinty. "We already have a deposit system in place where consumers must bring back their empties to The Beer Store, so they know their way quite well. They'll be able to return bottles and buy new ones at the same outlet."

 

It is anticipated that revenue sharing and mark-ups with The Beer Store will actually lower costs and thus reduce overall retail prices. Harley Crusted, owner-winemaker of Pandemic Estates Winery, said "Wonderful..now I can buy that diamond necklace for my little dog, Princess". Small Chubby Wino of the OVA gleefully rubbed his hands at the news. "Now we got 'em"! he exclaimed. A tight-lipped senior official at the LCBO said, "No comment".
 
More as this topic develops...Your own comments, please?
 
 
 

Sunday, September 21, 2008

GOSHerald Advisory

GRAIN OF SALT ADVISORY: On the advice of my lawyers, the LCBO, the SAQ, the Canadian Library Association, the Canadian Committee to Protect Journalists, the Freedom of Information Act, the Electronic Frontier, Project Censored, Dr. Deacon Fresh, the Wine Writers Circle of Canada, Magazines Canada, Culinary Historians of Ontario, Book and Periodical Council of Canada, and Snopes –

 

I must add a "take it with a grain of salt" note to each and every spoof and lampoon I post about food, wines, beers and spirits in Canada. I regret this action, but obviously my postings cut too close to the bone; they have a ring of truth about them. They are NOT truths; they are lies, fabrications, rumours, fake news, pseudo news, heinous myths with a faux voix. Hence, http://fauxvoixvincuisine.blogspot.com.

 

But apparently they are believable enough that some writers have been deceived. For that, I apologize. Herewith are ashes and sackcloths, grovelings, and all that.

 

As always, I do what I can to produce articles which are pleasing in every way. Life, however, mocks my efforts. Sometimes I live to regret the clever turns of phrase that seemed so very right at the time. I apologize for errors, ill-conceived metaphors, mistakes of spelling or pronunciation, opinions that will come back to haunt me in years to come, and solecisms of every description. Like you, I try my damnedest, but it doesn't always work. Still, perhaps next time.

 

Just so you know what is true and what is not, I'm preceding my lampoons with a GOSHerald – "Grain of Salt Herald". E & OE.

 
 
 

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Email Wine Fraud?

Well, it turns out that somebody in the GTA is sending a templated email to all the wine importers, complaining about a bottle of wine he had (off taste? corked?) and wondering if the agency would make good his purchase, such as a free bottle or something. The same sort of email has been circulating to a series of restaurants, complaining about wine or service or food. I hear that free certificates for future visits have been issued.
 
Nice scam..But  it is now in the hands of the Toronto fraud squad..
 
Anybody know what's happening?
 
 
 

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

The Archaic LCBO upholds the Equally Archaic 1928 Importation of Intoxicating Liquors Act « END THE LCBO

From End the LCBO blog:

"I recently stumbled upon a gem of a Canadian law called the 1928 Importation of Intoxicating Liquors Act (IILA). This is one of those truly silly pieces of legislation enacted in the prohibition era to "save" Canadians from the evil of drink. Somehow it has survived till now.

Basically the IILA prevents the importation into a province of any "intoxicating" liquor that has not been purchased on behalf of and consigned to the government liquor body of the province. Among other things this means that if, say, a Quebecer visits an Ontarian winery website and wants to order a bottle of wine direct from the winery – they can't. It contradicts the good old 1928 Importation of Intoxicating Liquors Act."

More at:
 
 
 
 

Monday, September 15, 2008

Wine to be sold at Farmers Markets in Toronto

This just in from Wine News Service...
 
TORONTO - (WNS) - In a stunning victory for the Farmers Market movement in Ontario, the provincial government has decided to allow wine to be sold at Farmers Markets. There are restrictions, of course, all applied by the LCBO which had apparently fought the issue tooth and nail.
 
First, the wines can only be sold in a closed-off tent no more than three metres by three metres by three metres in size. It has to be located in the northeast corner of every market, for the sake of consistency. Portable potties must also be provided. Only LCBO personnel will be allowed to sell, and there will be no sampling.
 
Second, purchasers are restricted to a maximum of two bottles only, one red and one white.
 
Third, the wines have to be tied-in to the ethnic character of the region. Hence, the wines at Withrow Park on the Danforth must only be Greek wines. The wines at Dufferin Grove park must only be Portuguese wines. The wines at Riverdale Organic Market must only be organic wines.
 
As part of the pilot project, the wines will only be in the city of Toronto, and, in typical LCBO fashion, will only be available this year starting in October, just before the markets shut down for the winter. The Dufferin Grove Market, open all year, is expected to be under heavy pressure for winter sales of Port and Madeira from Portugal.
 
Little Fat Wino, commenting from his home in rainy Eastern Ontario, said: "Once again the fruit wineries in Ontario have been shut out. This business of selling at Farmers Markets was originally OUR idea -- it was stolen from us by the government looking for additional revenue streams."  It was pointed out to him that all Ontario wines, no matter what their origin, were shut out. An unnamed source in the LCBO Research Department responded: "We don't consider Ontario wines and fruit wines to be real wines exhibiting terroir. These Ontario wines can be made anywhere and do not reflect the regional character."
 
More as the story develops...
 
 
 
 

Friday, September 12, 2008

OntarioWineReview.com - Newsletter 0091 - The LCBO . We're Stuck With Them (by Michael Pinkus)

Nobody dislikes the LCBO more than a wine writer, it's not being boastful, it's just a fact.  I feel that those who shop only at the LiCk-BO and don't go to trade events are the lucky ones.  They don't know what they are missing.  They don't get to try some mouth-watering wines that make you covet them immediately.  They know not of the insanely cheap prices our friends south of the border get, the discounts, mail in rebates, 3-for-$10 specials, or heaven forbid, a $2 bottle of wine.  They'll never know that some of the wines you try at these events are only sold through an agent by the case, but many people don't buy by the case, they want 3 or 4 at the most.  "Get in with a friend," you'll be told, "our hands are tied."  And tied they are, by, you guessed it, the protective liquor board, saving our cities and towns from the wilds of alcohol.

It's those who travel outside the country that get the biggest shock of all.  They find out that Mondavi makes a true Bordeaux blend called Vinetta, or that Rosenblum makes about 800 kinds of Zinfandel … and yet their Ontario agent can't get it, never heard of it or won't bring it in.  If you try on your own, well you'll pay close to, if not more than, double what you paid for it outside the country, thus taking all the fun and value out of your little finds and giving you a headache bigger than if you drank the whole bottle yourself in half-an-hour on an empty stomach.  Sure this system we have might work for a case of 2-Buck-Chuck, but "I-can't-believe-it's-only-12-bucks" a wine find gets close to $30 once you get it home where the LCBO puts it's grubby little duties and taxes on it … then it just doesn't seem like such a deal anymore, does it?
 
More at
 
 
 
 
 

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Wine Writer Vilifies VQA wines, causes much concern among colleagues...

A wine writer has inadvertently produced a Freudian slip, says another wine writer colleague who pointed out to me the following paragraph from an article:
 
 VQA stands for vintners' quality alliance. It also stands for wine that was grown in Ontario (BC as well) to very high standards. Vinification is also held to high standards. These wines pass both the "buy local" test and the terroir test. When I buy a VQA wine, I know what I'm getting. It won't be "Cellared in" or "Cellared by" or "Blended and bottled by". Were it allowed on the label, VQA wines might say "Made from grapes we planted ourselves; grew, tended and harvested ourselves; vilified, aged and bottled ourselves at our own winery." The back label might say "This wine expresses the unique qualities found only when these grapes are allowed to grow right here, in this soil."
 
Yes, said another wine colleague, "some should be vilified for sure!"
 
When asked to comment, the original writer blamed it all on spellcheck. Yeah, right.
 
He said: "Where would we be without spell checkers that take our odd, sometimes misspelled words and replaces them with more interesting ones? I think that to be technically correct, the vilification would take place after bottling rather than before."

I like "vilified" better, since sometimes VQA can stand for Very Questionable Assessment....
 
More on this story as it develops.
 
 
 

Saturday, September 6, 2008

Fruit wines of Ontario want a Fair Deal (from Jim Warren)

Sent on the letterhead of the Fruit Wines of Ontario

The Honourable Harinder Takhar,
Minister of Small Business and Consumer Services,
Suite 1306 Whitney Block,
Queen's Park,
99 Wellesley St. W.,
TORONTO, Ontario.
M7A 1W2


Dear Minister Takhar:

The following story is true to life:

A man owned a small winery in Ontario. The Provincial Wage and Hour Ministry
claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent out an agent to
interview him.
"1 need a list of your employees and how much you pay them." demanded the
agent.
"Well," replied the winery owner, "there's my winery hand who's been with me
for 3 years. I pay him $400 a week plus free room and board. He continued:
"The Chef has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $300 a week plus
benefits.

Then there's the half-wit. He works about 18 hours every day and does about
90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own
room and board, and I buy him a bottle of scotch every Saturday night. He
also sleeps with my wife occasionally."

"That's the guy I want to talk to...the half-wit," says the agent. "That
would be me," replied the winemaker.

Though they may not enjoy being called 'half-wits" many small Ontario winery
owners to-day are feeling like the winemaker in the story. They have come
into the industry over the last 15 years, driven by their passion to make
Ontario wine, only to discover that the playing field for wineries in this
province is not level and to face a system that often puts them at a
competitive disadvantage when selling their wines.

Everyone understands that the purpose of policies and
laws relating to Ontario wine since the early 1990's has been both to
encourage the production of quality wine and to address in some measure the
losses faced by the wine industry after the Free Trade and GATT agreements.
Most winery owners thus accept the reality of 'grand-fathered privileges'
enjoyed by established businesses and it is easy to understand and
appreciate government's on-going financial and other support for our VQA
system.

I am writing to you to-day on behalf of the 15 members of Fruit Wines of
Ontario (FWO) and the 45 members of the Ontario Vinicultural Association
(OVA) who do not understand the inappropriate discrimination that other
wineries are facing in this province and who are now contemplating another
harvest of their 1OO% Ontario grown grapes and fruit with serious concerns.

In particular we have been advocating for some time that a change be made in
the policy (described by the AGCO as 'section 3 of the Terms and Conditions
for the on-site fruit winery retail store) that restricts a fruit winery to
making only 20% of its wine from grapes. I have met with Luisa Tomej, Maria
DiFabrizio, and Kathy Clarke to discuss the matter in depth and have written
to the Honourable Ted MeMeekin, but have yet to receive any response. This
will be a serious problem for a small Ontario winery again this Fall - -
already threatened by the AGCO with having their licence revoked - - which
is growing its own grapes that it cannot use to make into wine. There are
many problems related to this 'policy' and I would caution that ignoring a
problem like this is not a solution. It is urgent that a solution be found
before the matter becomes one of embarrassment to all concerned this
vintage.

There are 3 other issues or concerns that I would like to bring to your
attention.

1. Some 3 years ago financial support was offered to VQA wines being sold
in the LCBO by your Ministry. Other producers of quality, 100% Ontario
wines, both fruit and grape, were excluded from this consideration.

2. VQA wines that are direct delivered to a licencee receive a different
financial treatment than other wines, whether 'Cellared in Canada' or
non-VQA fruit and grape wines. The return to the winery for VQA sales is
considerably higher.

No one is questionning the support being given to VQA wines but from the
point of view of many other wineries this is providing an unfair competitive
edge to VQA. All wineries in Ontario pay the same taxes and fees otherwise
and abide by the same regulations. Surely all lOO% Ontario produced wines
should be sold to the LCBO and to licencees under the same rules! In this
way all Ontario quality wine could benefit from an equality of opportunity
which is now lacking and serving as a deterrent to the growth and survival
of many small Ontario businesses.

3. It is also unfortunate that these same wineries are prohibited by the VQA
ACT from even using the word "Ontario" or any form of it as in "Ontario
grown" or "Product of Ontario" on their wine labels even though by law they
must use lOO% Ontario fruit in making their wines. To 'protect' the
credibility of the VQA appellation "VQA Ontario VQA" it is suggested that
other wineries producing fruit wines or non-VQA grape wines might somehow
confuse consumers by using the word 'Ontario' and destroy consumer
confidence in Ontario wines. The VQA has the authority to enforce this
feeling and does send 'inspectors' around to check on the wine labels of
fruit wineries and grape wine producers outside our DVAs.
I believe we are creating an unfortunate situation by denying the logical
use of the word "Ontario" by every winery and it would be better for all
concerned if some serious thought was given to making a change somewhere
along the line.

Our member wineries are asking, through your Ministry, that your government
consider the issues that are making life difficult for them and to implement
significant change that would go a long way to ensuring more equality of
opportunity among our wineries. We believe that for one Ontario winery to
have a financial competitive advantage over another as result of government
initiatives is simply wrong...and I would appreciate having the opportunity
to discuss these concerns with you at your earliest convenience.

Sincerely,

Jim Warren

Executive Director, FWO
President, OVA


Chimo! www.deantudor.com

Thursday, September 4, 2008

"LCBO and the Beer Store ... arcane ..." -- Derek Forward (Netnewsledger)

Monday, 01 September 2008 via Netnewsledger

Thunder Bay, ON -- Are you a beer drinker? Derek Forward might be fighting a
fight that you might want to join. Eight weeks ago, Forward started an
online petition to end the Beer Store monopoly in Ontario. "The LCBO and the
Beer Store, both founded 1927, are arcane institutions that have no place in
today's world. Originally founded out of a puritan belief that all alcohol
consumption was wicked, these two monopolies have controlled the
warehousing, distribution, and retail of alcohol in Ontario ever since,"
according to Forward.

"We believe that in today's world, individuals do not need their consumption
habits to be dictated by government institutions. People should be free to
buy the sorts of alcohol they want, from the outlets they choose, when they
desire. Producers of alcohol including small wineries and craft breweries,
many of whom have been hurt by the policies of the Beer Store and LCBO
monopolies, should be free to sell their product through whatever
distribution system they choose, or to set up outlets of their own. As for
retailing alcohol, this should no longer be the domain of the 2 monopolies
but be a product option for businesses like grocery stores, gas stations,
and convenience stores".

Forward's contention is that The Beer Store, which many people believe is
run by the Ontario Government is actually run by the Molson Coors Brewing
Co. (48%), Belgium-based beer giant InBev (48%), and Japan-based Sapporo.

The problem outlined by Forward in his campaign is that both The Beer Store
and the LCBO in Ontario eliminate choice and are out of touch with today's
consumers.

The cause has been picked up online at Free Our Beer, a website dedicated to
"reforming Ontario's beer retail system, from a craft point of view".

One of the goals of this campaign is to assist local craft breweries in
getting their products in front of consumers.

If you are interested in finding out more visit www.endthelcbo.com.


Chimo! www.deantudor.com

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Wine lovers told: don't spend more than £6.99 a bottle - Telegraph UK (by John Bingham)

A group of leading connoisseurs from around the world agreed that £6.99 should be enough to buy what they would consider a "decent" bottle in a British shop.

Above that figure, the differences were more about "individual taste" than quality, they said.

Judges taking part in Decanter magazine's World Wine Awards came up with the price amid fears that customers are regularly paying over the odds in an effort to satisfy the wine snobs.

Their guidance will come as a welcome relief to the nervous dinner party guest eager to impress and will make the task of selecting wine a slightly less

More at --
 
 
 
 
 
 

Friday, August 29, 2008

Access to Ontario Restaurants Needed by Non-VQA Ontario Wineries

LEVELING THE PLAYING FIELD

FOR ONTARIO WINERIES

RELEASE # 4, August 2008

 

Please forward this to anyone you think may be interested or contact your choice of news provider.

 

UNFAIR ACCESS TO ONTARIO RESTAURANTS

 

Significant and increasing acreage of 100% Ontario grown wines are not Vintners Quality Alliance certified.  A VQA wine sold to a restaurant receives preferential financial treatment which results in a significantly higher return to the winery.    Non-VQA wines delivered to a restaurant by a winery are treated as a sale to the LCBO.  The difference in the two treatments can amount to more than a third of the total retail value – perhaps $340 on the sale of $1,000 to a restaurant.  This is money "earned" by LCBO even though they do not make the wine, make the sale, deliver the wine or pay any of the costs involved.  Small wineries making 100% Ontario non-VQA wine cannot afford this disadvantage. 

 

VQA in Ontario will not sanction any wine made from anything but grapes or any of the increasingly large acreages of hybrid vines that are now growing in many portions of southern and Central Ontario.  In British Columbia 100% BC grown wines sold directly to a restaurant – VQA or not – are taxed the same.  Are we really that far behind BC?

 

This is obviously discriminatory.  Consumers are asking small wineries why they cannot find their wines in local restaurants.  Ontario wineries need equal tax treatment.  OVA calls upon the Ontario government to allow all 100% Ontario wines and ciders to be sold to licensees under the same rules. 

 

The Ontario Viniculture Association welcomes all interested parties to join with us. 

Ontario Viniculture Association

Jim Warren

http://littlefatwino.com/ova.html

Larry Paterson

President

 

Vice President

paradise@mountaincable.net

 

littlefatwino@trytel.net

 

OVA is an organization which has 45 Winery members as of this information release. 

A minimum of 80% of this membership voted in favour of providing this information.

 

Please communicate your thoughts by emailing any of the following:

 

Liberal Party – Dalton McGuinty dmcguinty.mpp.co@liberal.ola.org

Conservative Party – John Tory john.tory@pc.ola.org

New Democratic Party – Howard Hampton hhampton-co@ndp.on.ca

Green Party admin@gpo.ca

 
 
 

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Woman charged with giving wine to baby

 

Woman charged with giving wine to baby

LOUISVILLE, Ky., Aug. 21 (UPI) -- A Missouri woman at the Kentucky State Fair has been arrested after allegedly giving wine to her infant child.

Kathryn Bowen, 40, was arrested and charged with endangering the welfare of a minor Wednesday after a police officer said he saw the woman's actions. The report alleged Bowen was seen buying wine in Freedom Hall, pouring it into a baby bottle and then giving it to her 11-month-old, WKLY-TV, Louisville, reported Thursday.

Police reports say when confronted Bowen admitted she was feeding wine to the child to help her sleep. The child has been placed in protective custody..

 
Dean Tudor, Ryerson University Journalism Professor Emeritus
Look it up and you'll remember it; screw it up and you'll never forget it.
http://gothicepicures.blogspot.com

Monday, August 25, 2008

Wine & Spirits Daily: Wine Spectator: Unfairly Duped?

Wine Spectator: Unfairly Duped?

Earlier this week it was revealed that a fake restaurant was awarded Wine Spectator Award of Excellence. Since then, forums, blogs and industry publications have been blowing up with opinions over the issue.

Dr. Vino's wine blog first covered the story on Tuesday with the opening words: "If you decided to get a Wine Spectator Award of Excellence for you restaurant wine list, what would you need? The answer according to Robin Goldstein is $250 and Microsoft Word. Restaurant not actually required."

Goldstein, the author of The Wine Trials, stated on his website that he created a fake restaurant and submitted an application for the award as research for an academic paper. He named the restaurant "Osteria L'Intrepido," which means "Fearless Critic," submitted the application fee ($250), a cover letter, a copy of the restaurant's menu, which he deems "a fun amalgamation of somewhat bumbling nouvelle-Italian recipes," and a wine list. The so-called restaurant claimed to be in Milan.
 
More at
 
 
 
 

Thursday, August 21, 2008

LCBO TO LICENSE WINE WRITERS IN ONTARIO

This just in from WNS (Weird News Service) --
 
TORONTO -- (WNS) --  The Liquor Control Board of Ontario has today announced that
it will begin licensing alcohol beverage writers in Ontario. A spokesman for the LCBO,
who asked to be nameless, said that this would be yet another source of revenue for the
coffers of the Ontario government. "We like to grab a lot of money from the alcohol
beverage industry. It makes us feel good, and it pads our bottom line."
 
Exemptions would be made, of course, for those writers who contribute to the LCBO's
"Food and Drink" magazine. But other publications such as "Toronto Life", "Tidings",
"Vines" , "TAPS" and "Wine Access" would be forced to hire only licensed Ontario
writers or writers from other provinces.  Newspapers and broadcasters will also have to
apply for licensed writer status.
 
Accreditation would be essential, according to the LCBO. There will be no
grandfathering. Each writer would have to pay to take an LCBO online course, which is
several weeks in duration, followed by a comprehensive fault and flaw analysis tasting,
followed by a tasting of Ontario wines (not necessarily VQA and not necessarily grapes).
Beer and spirit writers will have their own nosing programs.
 
Those who succeed in these endeavours will be invited to take the test which is a
necessary prelude to the licensing process.  There will be testing fees and annual levies
assessed for membership. It is also anticipated that the LCBO will receive a 15% royalty
on all alcohol beverage writing fees, but it is unclear whether these funds will come from
the publication or from the writer or, as in the case of wine auctions, from both.
 
All writing about alcohol in Ontario must be submitted to the LCBO's Quality Assurance
Laboratory for controls over the expressions in writing and the actual tasting notes, for a
fee. Any re-submissions, extra proofreading, and heavy copyediting will be assessed a
separate fee, which must be paid by the writer and not the publication.
 
When asked about photographs, the LCBO spokesperson denied their existence. "We get
all our shots from stock libraries". When asked about blogging, the LCBO said that
"Everybody blogs. Nobody has any time to read any of them…we really don't care."
 
SheeLa Pure-Swirling Dervish, currently President of the Wine Writers Circle, has
admitted that the group could be defunct within a year. "All of our full-time members are
in the GTA, with a group in Niagara. We've only a handful of writer-members from
outside the province. If the LCBO is to license writers through accreditation, then that
takes away from us any measure of self-policing and any rationale for continuing
membership of the Ontario writers."  Ms. Dervish left immediately on a wine tour of the
Okanagan Valley in BC.
 
The LCBO has also announced that the licensing program will be administered by Sage
Darby, the head cheese responsible for many such food and wine administrative bodies.
She has refused to comment, saying only "I have my methods".
 
 

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Offensive Wine Labels

Hey, check out these offensive wine labels from the great province of Ontario...
 
http://littlefatwino.com/offensivelabels.html    is now online, linked to Lardy's front page. 
 
 
 

Monday, August 11, 2008

Wine Competitions are One Big Racket from Vinography: A Wine Blog

08.10.2008

Wine Competitions are One Big Racket

If I ever wanted to make a lot of money in the wine industry, I know just
what I'd do. It wouldn't be starting a vineyard, or publishing a book, or
making my own wine, or marketing someone else's. No if I wanted to make a
pile of money, I'd simply organize a big wine competition.

Such competitions and their gold medals are good for one thing and one thing
only: making a pile of money for the people who organize them. I don't
believe the do a bit of good for the wine industry as a whole, no matter how
excited all those gold-medal-winning wineries are.
Now I'm a die-hard capitalist at heart. The folks that run these wine
competitions are doing their best to get along in the world just like
everyone else. I've got nothing against them personally. But I see the
endless parade (more and more are started every year) of wine competitions
as no better than those talent scouting scams you see in the paper, where
overly hopeful parents of young actresses and models-to-be get sucked into
paying "talent fees" for the chance to have their offspring "considered" for
representation by a talent agent that may not even exist, let alone have the
connections needed to turn someone into a star.
In other words: one big racket. Here's an excerpt from one such
competition's literature:

"NEW Competition! Look at the Super Star Pro Wine Buyers Lined Up to Judge
Your Greatest Wines! Get your wines tasted by top U.S. Professional Wine
Buyers from Andronico's Market, Dean and Deluca, IL Forniao Restaurant
Group, Playboy Mansion West.
$75 per entry Early Bird until August 16. SO DON'T WAIT. Enter Now.

More at

http://www.vinography.com/archives/2008/08/wine_competitions_are_one_big.html

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Vincor takes yet another hit: On the Road with the Grape Guy: Report from ... Fiesta Buckhorn - July 19, 2008

Vincor (A Constellation Company) seems to me to be having trouble with its labels. Eagle-eyed Michael Pinkus (Ontario Wine Review's Grape Guy) found a major label swap on the JT lines...According to my records, the score is now Grape Guy 4, Vincor 0... Here's what he said:
" … a BIG FAT boo-hiss-hiss boo (that's the jeer folks) to Jackson-Triggs, who pulled off a double shame-on-them. First, at an Ontario wine event that focuses and showcases Ontario products (wine, food, beer, ingredients, etc) they had the audacity to pour their blends: Esprit and Naked Grape concoctions; but that's only the beginning of their faux pas. The biggest travesty was the bottle of Black Label Jackson-Triggs 2005 Merlot … as many of you are hopefully aware, Jackson-Triggs had always distinguished their off-shore and VQA products with a White Label (blend) and Black Label (VQA – 100% Ontario) … seems they are pulling a fast one to fool the public; the 2005 Merlot Black Label is a non-VQA made from "a higher level and quality New Zealand grapes," according to my server, as if that makes this ruse more palatable. Does this company have no shame, or pride, left?"

Catch more from my man Michael at:
http://ontheroadwithgrapeguy.blogspot.com/2008/08/report-from-fiesta-buckhorn-july-19.html

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Fake 'green' campaign kills real jobs

The LCBO's anti-glass crusade is all about optics, not facts 

By David Menzies
More than 400 employees of the Owens-Illinois glass plant in Toronto received a shock on Tuesday when they discovered their factory is being tossed upon the scrap heap of obsolescence come September.
What killed the plant? A robust loonie? Skyrocketing energy costs? Nope. The silent assassin is none other than the Ontario government's liquor monopoly and its disingenuous pursuit of a bogus "green" strategy.
In a nutshell, the Liquor Control Board of Ontario (LCBO) now deems glass bottles to be environmentally-unfriendly. Waste is measured by weight in Ontario, and glass is heavy, so out with glass. As a result, the LCBO is actively strong-arming suppliers to opt for other forms of packaging. As Owen-Illinois CEO and chairman Albert Stroucken notes in a July 2, 2008 letter to Premier Dalton McGuinty, the LCBO has been "aggressively encouraging — and in some cases effectively forcing — our customers in Ontario and in other jurisdictions to switch from using glass packaging to so-called 'alternative' materials such as plastic and aseptic cartons."
Unfortunately for Owens-Illinois workers, the LCBO's anti-glass campaign is all about optics, not facts. The LCBO's recent self-congratulatory marketing push hailed its campaign as "Enviro Chic: The Evolution of Packaging." The liquor monopoly crowned itself a green champion thanks to a policy of "challenging" its suppliers to reduce packaging.

Much more at

Editorial: The LCBO is the LCBO is the LCBO

As you may know, the LCBO  has minions patrolling the Internet for mentions of its corporate name.The LCBO looks at websites; the LCBO looks at blogs. The LCBO subscribes to emailed newsletters. All of this in addition to the LCBO having  a huge press clipping service. If you want to draw the LCBO to attention at your website, then you need to place the word LCBO as often as you can. This way the mention of LCBO in your blog will rank higher in searches and in Google alerts. LCBO is not a word to bandy about -- LCBO is a search term, and the more occurrences of LCBO in your post, the more attention the LCBO spiders will give it. Or their bots...whatever. Just use the word LCBO over and over, as I have just done. Especially use LCBO in your headline or topic line, use LCBO as often as you can. Signed, the LCBO...
 
 
 

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Bag People at LCBO

According to a leaked internal document, LCBO staff have a pool running on when the last plastic bag will be issued to a customer, and which store will have it. The leading contender appears to be Timmins...More on this story as it develops.
 
 
 

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Mystery palate close to being identified...stay tuned...

Who tasted the Chateau Latour 1971 and said it was pinot noir? Here are some responses....
 
BUT FIRST: It was Harry Waugh, the Brit wine writer, who was asked when was the last time he mistook a claret for a Burgundy. He replied, 'Not since lunch.' (In case you didn't know, Claret is Brit talk for Bordeaux).
 
One major wine writer wrote to me:  "If you find out who this was, please share it. I have not tasted a '71 Latour since I gulped my last bottle in 1999.  But, to be fair, I recall it had lost much of its original power and fruit (71 was not a fantastic year), so I can see where a certain wine critic could get confused. geeze I wish I got invited to tastings where they served Latours!"
 
Another major said "Why not narrow it down by asking who it was NOT. Not me!  (I don't even get invited to these high-end tastings.)"
 
Perhaps it was not even a writer: the Globe identified the taster as "one of Canada's best-known wine critics". Wine critics also work for the LCBO...Perhaps it was a member of their vaunted tasting panel?

Developing...

 
 

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Wine connoisseurs - I call them cons (by Beppi Crosariol)

"At a recent trade dinner in Toronto, one of Canada's best-known wine critics guessed a 1971 Chateau Latour, a famous cabernet sauvignon from Bordeaux, was a pinot noir, a variety so distinct from cabernet as to almost be another fruit."
 
WHO is the wine critic? Readers want to know...
 
Full story (but no name given) is at...
 
 

Sunday, July 20, 2008

LCBO puts a cork in employee freebies

 
LCBO puts a cork in employee freebies


BY DAVID MENZIES

 

Toronto Sun, Saturday July 19, 2008

 

Let's all raise a glass of bubbly and say mazel tov! as we toast the Liquor Control Board of Ontario.

The reason? Nearly a year after being exposed for possibly breaking the Criminal Code over crown corporation employees receiving gifts and gratuities from suppliers, the provincial liquor board has decided to do the right thing.

In other words, the LCBO -- which operates under the oft-repeated mantra of "social responsibility" -- is putting the cork in freebies.

The back story: Last August it was revealed in these pages several LCBO employees were receiving gifts -- ranging from magnums of wine and cases of beer to hockey tickets -- from the LCBO's various booze suppliers. The allegations, according to an anonymous LCBO whistleblower, included:

n   No one at the LCBO is keeping track of which employees are receiving gifts, so it is unknown exactly how widespread the problem is;

n   Some LCBO employees are apparently not declaring gifts from suppliers as taxable benefits.

Of note, the LCBO has long had an internal policy pertaining to "gifts and gratuities" in its administration manual. The policy reads: "No LCBO employee should accept any gifts or gratuities from any supplier organization, except for promotional items of a nominal value. The Board views gifts having a value over $200 per annum from any individual or organization as the nominal threshold."

 

More at  www.torontosun.com

 

 

Friday, July 18, 2008

LCBO Motto suggestions roll in...

David Lawrason contributes "Hell no, we won't go"
Billy Munnelly posits "Liquor for Life"
Ogden Nash sends in "Liquor is quicker"
 
 
 

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Repatriation of Vincor?

Word on the street is that Vincor is being repatriated. All the foreign
holdings and endeavours will remain with Constellation, but the
Canadian aspects of Vincor will be sold off to Canadians. Constellation
will use the proceeds for cherry picking and buying US properties from
Foster's, such as Beringer. Stay tuned for further developments...News
coming as it happens, confirmations and denials notwithstanding.

www.deantudor.com

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Mike Weir departs Niagara?

That's the loud rumour: Golfer Mike Weir to decamp from Niagara's Creekside, possibly to move on to a British Columbia winery...
 
 
 

Monday, July 7, 2008

Nuremburg trials and wine marketing: there is a connection!!

"It was such a wild time, and the best period for advertising, so much looser. We had Blue Nun, which was a terrible wine to sell to people. If there were a Nuremburg trial for selling bad wine, we should have been hanged."
 
Wow, this quote appeared in the New York Time Magazine, June 22, 2008, p.35, from uber marketeer/madison avenue "mad man" Jerry Della Femina, in reference to PR work in the late 1950s/early 1960s cusp.
 
Has anything changed? Your comments, please...
 
 
 

Saturday, July 5, 2008

Thursday, July 3, 2008

Contest for LCBO Motto

Today, the LCBO has announced that it is creating a new motto for its services, a sort of celebration of 80 years of liquor regulation in Ontario. Inspired by the search for a new theme for "Hockey Night in Canada", a spokesman for the LCBO stated that the new Financial Booze Institution (licensed last month) has decided to fast track a competition for its new motto...
 
There will only be one winner for the Grand Prize, which is free liquor for life -- so long as you pay the bottle deposit and carry it out in canvas reusable bags with the LCBO logo and motto on the outside. . (And ain't that a great motto? "Liquor for life")
 
Gothic Epicures has taken up the challenge and is prepared to collect and analyze choices for the Grand Prize. You may safely submit entries to this site, posted below as "comments". Be aware that the LCBO closely monitors this site as a "site of interest". They have Google News and Blog Alerts to track every single mention of the word "LCBO" every hour of the day on the web, employing a full-time press attache to collect, collate, and synthesize.  Like rust, the web and the LCBO never sleep. Also, you must be over 19 years of age in order to submit entries. There are no Aeroplan points for this contest.
 
We at Gothic Epicures would like to kick things off by suggesting "Liquor for Life"...No?  How about "Alcohol -- it really works!". Perhaps "Cellared in Canada" might be effective. Or, "LCBO -- Ministry of Finance's darling".
 
Your call, ladies and germs..
 
 
 

Friday, June 27, 2008

What if the Niagara Frontier caught on fire????

French winemakers protest to demand government aid….but "what if" this also happened on the Niagara Frontier?

Read on…

MONTPELLIER, France (AP) — Winemakers in southern France have burned two police cars and vandalized supermarkets during protests to demand government aid.

Vintners in France's Languedoc-Roussillon region have been protesting plummeting prices for their regional wines as well as rising fuel costs.

Thousands of wine growers demonstrated in Montpellier to demand government emergency measures and financial support as wine prices continue to fall. Demonstrators were tear gassed by police during clashes in Montpellier, southern France. Protesters broke windows at the courthouse in the city of Montpellier. In nearby Montagnac, protesters wielding baseball bats chased police from their vehicles and set the cars on fire. Protesters also damaged four bank buildings.

At three regional supermarkets they sacked the wine aisles. Two police were slightly injured in the protests Wednesday and early Thursday.

Copyright © 2008 The Associated Press. All rights reserved.

 

What if?...are the situations similar?

WELLAND, Ontario (CP) — Winemakers in southern Ontario have burned two police cars and vandalized LCBO liquor stores during protests to demand government aid.

Vintners in Ontario's Niagara region have been protesting plummeting prices for their regional grapes and wines as well as rising fuel costs.

Hundreds of wine and grape growers demonstrated in Welland to demand government emergency measures and financial support as local wine prices continue to fall. Demonstrators were tear gassed by police during clashes in both St. Catharines and Welland.

Protesters broke windows at the courthouse in the city of Welland. In nearby Grimsby, protesters wielding baseball bats chased police from their vehicles and set the cars on fire. Protesters also damaged four bank buildings.

At three LCBO stores they sacked the wine aisles. Two police were slightly injured in the protests Wednesday and early Thursday.

More as the story develops…

 

 
 

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Now Drink White Wine for Health (courtesy of Sheila Swerling-Puritt)

Now Drink White Wine for Health

Researchers at Technion-Israel Institute of Technology in Haifa, Israel have developed a white wine fortified with anti-ageing polyphenols found in red wines but with the additional benefit of avoiding headaches that red wines can cause for some people.

Scientists have discovered that they could boost white wine polyphenols six times, by incubating squeezed grapes in the presence of alcohol for 18 hours, before removing their skins. These polyphenols are released by red wine during the process of maceration when the skins containing these chemicals come in contact with the juice to be fermented.

The processed white wine tastes like a white but contains the polyphenols in addition.
Comments Professor Michael Aviram, a researcher at the Faculty of Medicine at Technion, "There has been an incredible response from those that have heard about the research, with many thinking of taking up drinking white wine more seriously."

Binyamina, an Israeli wine producer has begun using the recipe to manufacture the new healthier white wine, which is expected to go on sale in the US by the end of this year.

The news item reported in many online journals may soon make one raise a glass of white wine and say, 'L'chaim! L'chaim! To life!'

Chimo!  www.deantudor.com

 

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Vieilles Vignes

WINE WRITERS ASSOCATION: VIEILLES VIGNES  

 

 In attempt to draw in new members, The Wine Writer's Association has decided to recognize the geezer element by creating a new category of wine writers – those folks who have been writing about wine for at least 35 years. Membership is open to any writer who has done paid writing about wine since at least 1973 (and rolling forward each year, so that in 2009 the beginning date must be 1974, etc.) -- and is still writing. This acclaim grants to the members the right to add VV after their name: Vieilles Vignes. The annual membership fee has been established as equivalent to one's first paid invoice for wine writing, way back in the time when….

 

Topics to be discussed at upcoming meetings include health insurance, rocker catalogues, pension plans, nutritional benefits of alcohol, time sharing, how to open the new twist tops, offshore properties, the wandering aspects of wine, assisted-living wine junkets, and newer grape varieties such as the Pinot More..

 

Wine geezers unite!

 
 
 

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Food Generator

Still hungry? Try these new foods, just recently added to various locavore menus...
 
 
 
 

Friday, June 13, 2008

TOP TWENTY CLASSIC WINE LIES (sourced through the Internet)

TOP TWENTY CLASSIC WINE LIES
-------------------------------------------------

From the grower, "All our slopes face south"
"Our harvest is in the hands of the gods"
"We're rediscovering local grape varieties"
"We buy all our barrels from first-growths"


From the winery, "Our wines are like children -- some take longer than
others to develop"
"It is the best vintage this decade"
"Our winmaker thinks this wine is really interesting"
"I am an artist. I paint with colours when I make my
wine"
"Chaptalize? Never!"
"We picked before the rain, unlike our neighbours"
"All the wine is stored in oak barrels. We never use
oak chips"


From the merchant, "Buy this wine. It's expensive but it won't give you a
hangover"
"This wine was made to go with food"
"There is no such thing as a bad vintage
nowadays"


From the sommelier, "A gentleman of your standing would require a wine of
quality"
"Fine food requires fine wine,
regardless of the price"
"The mustiness, as you prefer to call
it, is a hallmark of great Bordeaux"

From the consumer, "I don't know much about wine but I do know what I like"
"I'm not a wine snob, I've just got
expensive tastes"

From the wine critic, "I always spit when tasting".....


Chimo!
www.deantudor.com

Monday, June 9, 2008

Wine uncorks challenge to beer as alcohol drink of choice: StatsCan

Wine uncorks challenge to beer as alcohol drink of choice: StatsCan

Last Updated: Monday, June 9, 2008 | 12:25 PM ET CBC News

Beer continues to be Canada's top alcoholic drink, though a growing number of consumers are favouring wine, according to a Statistics Canada report released Monday.

In 2007, beer accounted for 47 per cent of alcohol sales, down from 52 per cent in 1997. Wine sales comprised 28 per cent of the market, up from 21 per cent in 1997, the federal agency said. More at:

http://www.cbc.ca/consumer/story/2008/06/09/alcohol-statscan.html?ref=rss

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Student at Le Cordon Bleu threatens suicide - decanter.com

Let me stress the stress...

Student at Le Cordon Bleu threatens suicide
June 5, 2008

Erica Loi

A Cordon Bleu cookery student wielding a knife threatened to commit suicide
yesterday when he discovered he couldn't retake his exams.

The incident happened at the renowned Cordon Bleu cookery school in
Marylebone Lane in London at around 5pm.

The 28-year-old man French-Algerian man failed his exam on Tuesday and
returned to the school on Wednesday demanding to retake it.

More at http://www.decanter.com/news/257945.html?aff=rss

Wine industry wonder about effect of new labelling rules (by Monioque Beech, St Catharines Standard)

Wine industry wonder about effect of new labelling rules (my Monique Beech,
St Catharines Standard)

New federal food labelling guidelines requiring producers to remove foreign
ingredients from "made in Canada" products should not affect the country's
wine industry, the president of the Canadian Vintners Association says.

Meanwhile, the Grape Growers of Ontario says the new guidelines could offer
some clarity for consumers who find current Canadian wine labels confusing.

Last week during a stop in Beamsville, Prime Minister Stephen Harper
announced rules that would require 'product of Canada' goods to contain all
or virtually all domestic content.
Currently, food companies are allowed to call a product "made in Canada" if
51 per cent of the production costs were incurred here and the final
transformation of the product was in Canada.

More at http://stcatharinesstandard.ca/PrintArticle.aspx?e=1044047

- with files from Canadian Press

Copyright © 2008 St. Catharines Standard


Chimo!

www.deantudor.com